--stoRy of Oc3aN~

No more!

2011-02-28T13:42:00.001-02:00

I'm gonna cry as much as i can tonight!

And, I wish this is the last time! I don't want to cry because of you anymore!

No more! I'm fed up ken!

Tear drops when I read this. Best description ever.

2011-02-26T13:34:00.001-02:00

乐观与忧愁：

射手座人的内心不是外表看上去那么乐观的，因为喜欢看的远，容易担忧的事情也就多，在他们的字典里，即使现在好，也不一定代表未来好，有时候很多人觉得很好的一个工作或一个伴侣，他们很轻易的就会放弃掉，可能只是因为一个毫不起眼的小原因。所以，这样的外在表现，就让人们觉得他们不喜欢被某件事情或某个人束缚住，追求自由的，没有压力的感觉。

现实：

常说射手座是追求梦想的人，但往往忽略了他们现实的一面，算计起来不会比处女座差哦，只是更高明更隐藏罢了。射手座人的梦想是必须建立在现实的基础上的，一般他们很少谈及自己的梦想，而是实际的去做一些向梦想靠拢的事情。如果可以借巧力完成的事情，决不会多花一点工夫。所以有时候射手座也容易给人耍小聪明的感觉。可是，不得不承认他们完成的还满不错。也许终其一生，他们都在考虑怎么巧妙的做一些事情，花最少的精力去达到最好的效果。所以，很多射手座看上去让人们会觉得很懒，但是其实他们的大脑可没有停下过思考现实的事情。

拒绝低俗：

几乎所有的射手座内心都是骄傲的，其程度绝不亚于狮子座。只不过他们不会显现在脸上，外在的表现总是随和的，恰当的。可是内在有着极强的自尊心，敏感也情绪化。因为射手座人心中是骄傲的，所以他们拒绝低俗，不喜欢任何俗气的、粗鲁的事或人。如果可以，他们希望一切有关的事物，都是优雅的、高尚的，值得品味的。而真正能让他们觉得值得交朋友或谈恋爱的人是很少的，虽然表面上他们是很随和的。

多情：

很多人说射手座多情，尤其是男性。其实在射手座人的心目中，对于爱情确实有理想化的倾向，和他们谈恋爱，是一件高难度的事情。他们非常讨厌俗气的人，所以你不能很物质或喜欢谈钱，但是他们又很现实，所以你不能一文不名，各方面也必须有一定的实力。物质与精神，你必须平衡的刚刚好，才让他们觉得你值得去爱。或者，你有足够的神秘感，可以让他们不知道你的缺点在哪里，而盲目的爱你。一般，当然是没有完美无缺的人的，所以，可能象金牛座这样永远会让射手感觉捉摸不透的闷闷的人，会非常吸引他们；或者象双子那样，足够机智，懂得察言观色，捕捉他们的情绪，才会让他们感觉到爱情的甜蜜。一般射手的感情模式是，第一阶段，你们还不熟悉，他（她）爱上了你，非常热情。第二阶段，你们逐渐熟悉，而他（她）开始龟毛，整天挑剔你的毛病，无论是背地里还是当面。如果你有幸通过他（她）的挑剔过程，基本挑剔出的毛病为零或者你把缺点保密的非常好；那么进入第三阶段，他们就又是忠诚和热情的爱人了。但是基本能通过第二阶段的人非常少，所以有了射手多情一说。其实射手对恋人的挑剔，是源于对爱情的挑剔，对丧失自由感的恐惧。

射手座人的人生，往往是幸运的，因为他们是聪慧的、明朗的、通透的。与众不同，也许是他们终生追求的梦想，希望每一个射手人，可以找到他们的梦想！

人人都说射手座是感情的骗子，对爱情不尊重，只追求片刻的快感，是花心与冲满欲望的象征。朋友们…你们了解射手座最真实的一面吗？

射手座是大孩子，天真与善良，遇到爱情时，可能让人感觉不认真，付出的比谁都少。可是，知道吗？射手座很想爱，却也很怕爱！刚开始他们只是慢慢的付出，谨慎的爱，好怕自己会受伤。可是在一句一句的爱，一天一天的相处下，射手座把带刺的防备丢掉，开始不顾一切的去爱他们所爱的人，在别人眼中，只是射手座为了达到某种目的而作的行动。可射手座不介意，他会在自己幸福的想象中陶醉，希望对方能感受自己的爱，想对方觉得与自己一齐是幸福的。

在射手座爱上了一个人，他会把自己放到最后。有苦自己承担，可能会因为吵了一场小架而不开心，却也是最快认错，无论谁的错，他们都会包容，知道吗？射手座会因为深爱一个人而原谅他的背叛，会因为你的一句话付出很多。他们爱玩，在玩的同时，也希望把那一份好心情带给你，射手座是乐观的。

人们总觉得射手座的世界很快乐，可是呢？射手座难过时没有人知道，他不想让别人可怜自己，射手座不坚强，可是很善良。在你难过时哄你开心，让你有依靠，分手后，他会哭者去想属于你们俩幸福的回忆，也不想爱的人因为同情而勉强和他一齐。他比谁都希望自己爱的人快乐幸福，却常常忽略了自己，全身都是伤也笑着告诉你，我很好不用担心。

在所有人看到他的笑容以为他没事，却不知道失恋对射手座有多大伤害，华丽的外表下有一颗脆弱的需要别人了解和安慰的心。知道嘛？你的一点关心，心思细腻的射手座会记得你对他的好，把自己的爱毫无保留的送给你，射手座是不被了解的，可他们不会怨谁。他们会傻傻的认为，让我承担吧，别让别人也受到伤害。所以，不要让快乐的射手座痛苦，别让他们最有魅力的笑容成为掩饰痛苦的伪装，认真爱射手座。

For my dear friend.

2011-02-25T07:27:00.002-02:00

Hmmm, I never thought of I would write on here again, really. But, it's for one of my dear friend.

Girl, at the end, I knew that you're fear to be alone. Unless you feel very tired and want to get some sleep, or else, you never been home during day time.

Don't cry dear, you never knew I was so sad watching you cry but no one knows except me, cause I really didn't know what to do. As you know, some times, it's gonna be so tough to tell certain words out to a very close friend as it sounds terribly awful I think!

Perhaps, that's the reason why you always feel that you're giving away more than the others do, cause you care more than the others do. Don't be afraid to be alone, as we grown up, you gotta adapt to be alone. When you feel lonely, just feel the lone. When you're afraid of something, feel the fear. Let it be.

I used to stay alone since form 1, as my parents had to work and I didn't want to go to the babysitter anymore. I went to school alone, I came home alone, I had my lunch alone, take a nap alone and I finished my homework alone,everyday.

I didn't know why, I wasn't afraid at all. As time passed, I've grown up, I got a lot of friends at school like you, yean, nat n others, but I realised something, that I still gotta be alone when I got home. Yes, we could hang out with others, our friends when we're free like during the weekends. But, how 'bout the weekdays? Everyone has their daily routine, you gotta run yours, too.

Dear, sometimes I would feel lonely, and I got depressed most of the time when I'm alone... Perhaps, I've got used to it, the loneliness and the depression. I might just think about what it causes me to be sad and depressed, maybe sob on my pillow, but it's normal okay?

Just let it be when you're afraid. Try to stay alone and adapt to it, be more independent. Perhaps you'll find it tough or whatever shitty reason, it's good for us in this realistic century. Actually being alone is great sometimes, you may do whatever you want. Sleep like a cat until 12pm? Listen to rock musics with volume 80??? Do your assignments until 6am?? Watch movies until 7am and sleep at 8am?

Don't think about the guys, as you get well, you will know what to do with those assholes. We aren't suit to talk about that yet. As everything is not stable yet, and their brain and mind maturity is much later than us, I don't know why. ( I'll tell you when the scientists announce their research result) When the Buddha shuts your door, He will definitely leave you a window with a bright sky out there.

Perhaps, you're not fully recovered yet, I can understand that. Promise me, you would never bothered by these anymore. Concentrate on our studies alright? That's our priority, no doubt!

We'll see. Be tough dear! :)

With Love,

Venice.

The Last One.

2010-11-13T09:30:00.003-02:00

Dear friends,

This will be last post for this blog, I won't be posting anything else at here anymore.

Thanks for reading my blog along this 3 years. I think it comes to end, and i shall draw a full-stop at this moment.

There got no more teardrops, as the heart has stopped beating.

Here's a song that I want to share, perhaps, it is for you, Ken.

Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late to catch me now

We aren't friend, we're stranger.

I don't know whether I'm having mental disorder or that's your problem. It doesn't matter anymore.

You may go now, I wouldn't be lingering around anymore.

I know, and I'm sure one day you will come back again, but desperately I wish, I would still love you when you're back one day.

Thanks for being around me when I was down, now I came to the junction, it's just the matter that I've decided to take the road that's opposite from yours. The earth is a sphere, though we're heading to different direction, I'm sure we'll meet at the stop when the time comes.

Someone told me, we're meant to be, and I believe. Goodbye and take very good care of yourself.

I love you.

Just a happy thing.

2010-10-04T11:37:00.002-02:00

Hmmm, I found that I love looking at your pics, the ones you've taken with siblings..

Smile all the way while I clicking on the pages of your albums. :)

You guys are really very fun to be with!

Stay happy dudes! :D

Happy Birthday Melb-pig!

2010-08-31T02:10:00.001-02:00

Hmm, today is the national day of my country, yet, it's your birthday too yeeche!

I'm here to wish her Happy Birthday, may everything goes smooth around her!

Moody

2010-07-16T14:46:00.002-02:00

Really don't know why, I feel sad suddenly,is it because of the regulation of the hormones in my blood stream, nor there's something bothering me?

I have no idea. There's always your picture in my mind whenever I feel sad like now, and then I found that you're always the only factor that made me weep under the blanket.

Perhaps,you want to ask me so badly, why am I still not letting go, I have no answer, I really do have no answer. I don't know what the hell with me still crying from dreams and woke up with tears damping my pillow. I understand and I know there's many more things to do in life, but it's just attacked me suddenly.

Honestly, still, I'm afraid that one day you might really get pissed off of me..... so sometimes I dare not to disturb you cause i think you really need your own space. One thing I really hope you can always do, tell me honestly whenever you feel unsatisfied or angry because of me, I don't want to have even a lie between us, as friend or whatever... ...

I can't bear it, I really can't if I don't know anything about you... We don't used to contact frequently anymore, I could only get to know about you through the wall n your blog, just don't do that to me... I can't bear it.

I wish you will live happily everyday, cause if you don't, I'll be more sad than anyone will do.
Still, I really miss you very much, perhaps, you also get bored of seeing this, I also get bored of writing this, but this is what I'm really feel right now.

With love,
seow wei.

Good Mood.

2010-07-07T11:47:00.001-02:00

I found myself missed you when I was sad, but wanted to see you when I'm happy.

Again,I miss you,now. ^.^

R.I.P Stripey

2010-06-18T12:54:00.002-02:00

Firstly I really want to say 'I love you my lil stripey."

You're such adorable and lovely to me, kept me accompany when I was happy nor sad.
When I was happy,I kept playing with you,while I used to pat you when I was sad.

However, you're not here to please me anymore, who I should call everyday when I come home from work? Who's gonna keep me accompany when I'm bored?

I will miss you and hammy. Both of you is my most precious present in life. Thanks a lot to taice,yeeche and Ken, though they've passed away,but at least i had a lot of fun time with hammies.

R.I.P Lil Stripey n Hammy. *pray*

Just feel like writing something here

2010-06-06T09:47:00.002-02:00

Guess I haven't been here for quite a long time, but I'm not sure how long it is.

At this moment,I don't know why,just feel like writing something here. I'm working now, almost 2 months. Woke up 7am every morning and start working at 8.45am everyday until 9pm and sleep at 10pm every night. I do enjoy this kind of busy life and almost forgot who I am and even almost forgot about You.

Working life is damn stressful, I felt so exhausted and got insomnia in the 1st two weeks,got a lot of pimples on my forehead, but I found it's challenging.

Everyday when I start to work, I keep myself concentrate on my job, and I had no time to think of other things,whether friends, family,enemy, or even you. I never know that I can actually have such a good concentration when I work,until I didn't even think of you for almost one month.

Along this two months,though it's not a very long period, but I gained a lot... Even though it doesn't go smooth sometimes on my work, but I'm happy I could escape from the devils, watching them to be the actors and actress on the stage, I laughed deep inside my heart, laughing at them and myself at the same time. Now, only i know that, sometimes, we are forced to against our principles in order to adapt the cultures in the community.

Perhaps, there are a lot of fakers out there... However, I think it's not a weird thing anymore, instead, they're challenges, giving us a chance to interact smartly and more carefully. I got more patience than ever, and ENDURE has became a very important term in my working life. I really learned a lot, hopefully can share with you someday.

One day, I came home as usual, went to bed after bathing. This night, I didn't know why and what the hell with myself!! I thought of you... wondering whether you're doing good? my heart was like being cut by thousands of knives again, very painful and finally I cried again under the blanket. I thought after such a long time, I recovered already, cause just like what you told me, you didn't even think of me one whole day. I thought I don't love you anymore since I didn't think of you for such a long time.

That night, only i know when I didn't think of you, it doesn't mean I don't miss you, I didn't cry, it doesn't mean I don't love anymore.
The next day I felt a lot better and didn't cry anymore.

Another night, I drank with friends... was so excited at 1st, but when I drunk, I felt so sad deep inside my heart chambers, I didn't know why, and I found myself missing you very very much... I lost control and cried again, never expected and I couldn't believe you have left such a lot of great memory for me. I was grieved but glad I'm still loving you...

I believe after half a year, we have grown up, gained more and have different thinking in many perspectives, I wouldn't request anything anymore, cause I found I got a lot of thing s more to do when I'm still young, I guess you have the same thinking too.

Honestly, I'm still being afraid to know your relationship status, I know I can't make any changes anymore even one day you have a new partner. However, still, I won't ask, cause I don't want to know, perhaps, I'm coward cause I can't stand the grief if the answer is not what I wish to hear.

No matter how it goes, whether I would still loving you or not, we're always friends, when you need my help,anything anywhere, I will try my best to go over at the 1st minute. I wish I still can see your respond when I tell you my toe or nails are pain! :D

Tomorrow will be your second year degree, a new sem in computer science, I wish you enjoy learning and studying your new major subject, work harder ass!

I do live happily now, no worries and no guilty pls... :) Perhaps we wouldn't be together again, since we never want a LDR anymore,but I feel very happy and lucky to know you,as a lover, as a good friend now. Hopefully we could go to yum cha and eat dim sum together again one day.

And actually, I miss taice, yeeche n popo! Of course, I miss you more. hehe.
That's the 1st time I got drunk, but it will be the last time too. I will never get drunk anymore.
Take good care! I love you.

~With love,
Seow Wei.

RIP Hammy

2010-04-01T15:13:00.002-02:00

1st April 2010

My dear Hammy,
May you live a better life in higher realm. I will not forget how you cheered me up,you're the best present for me from Ken.
I will always remember,the 1st time i met you,and held you on my palm,you were so tiny but super duper cute! I do remember I loved you and stripey so much,and I was really very happy that night. :)

Lil hammy, I'll always miss you, i will remember you kept running around,and hid under the cupboard,always robbed stripey's guaci, and i love you licked my hand the most.running on the wheel and looked at the corn on my palm.

Still remember you were fat and round,so fluffy and cute! Daddy and I loved you so much, and i wanted to put you beside my pillow.but i was just afraid i couldn't find you in the nest morning (most probably you will be in my sport shoe.. =.=

I really miss you very muchy lil hammy, no worries, there's no other hamsters can replace you, and I don't want to have other hamsters anymore. Stripey and you are enough for me.

Ken,
Thanks for giving me a wonderful present,this is the best birthday present ever! Many thanks to taice and yeeche also. *hugs* T.T

~Love Hammy.

Happy Birthday Ken.

2010-03-19T15:51:00.002-02:00

Happy Birthday! :)
May all your dreams come true.

You can be who you wantt!!!! *No Doubt!*
I always believe you can.

~seow wei.

Damn it!

2010-03-16T13:49:00.002-02:00

Someone told me.that you were a betrayer. Damn, I almost scolded him until his pant drops off!!

How could he said that, he doesn't know you at all!! I was really get pissed off. I know, you aren't this kind of people. I'm very sure with it, and believe in you,you will never be!!

I'm gonna f*** him until he cries if he mentions again, what a bitch he is!! Perhaps, he is just childish and think in a negative way.

I hate that, he doesn't know much!! And so,he tried to act smart!! Grr...

Calories Burning!!

2010-03-14T13:45:00.000-02:00

Sigh.. cyy!! we haven't play badminton how long d??!!!!! you fat d la..

My Latest Look

2010-03-11T14:22:00.006-02:00

hehe... :)

A fun and crazy night =P

2010-03-11T14:04:00.008-02:00

Actually I'm so damn lazy to upload all the pica..hehe..
So,here are some of the pics. Enjoy ya! :)

How Long?

2010-03-08T08:57:00.002-02:00

Haven't updated my blog a very long time, I guess I have forgotten somethings, whether the people or incidences.

How long I haven't laughed like a crazy one? How long I haven't cried like kid? How long I haven't seen you smile to me? I couldn't remember anymore..

I'm just thinking,perhaps,I'll be brave and strong a lil more,if you're here...

I'm thinking of you again,sorry. Still, I can't get rid of you,from my life.

65th Day without You.

2010-01-17T14:13:00.002-02:00

Tomorrow will be a new sem for you,I wish everything go smooth there.

Today I miss you very much,wondering you got the results yet. Wondered whether you're contented with it or not? Or you're being depressed?

No matter what,I'll pray for you every night before I sleep. Even you meet something unlucky,no worries,go over your limit(you told me this), you can do it.And i'm here to pray for you.

Good Luck and all the best Ken. =)

May you and your family live healthy and happily everyday.

seow wei.

64th Day without You.

2010-01-16T12:01:00.002-02:00

I'm not happy today,I got angry,or actually I was being sad and fear.

I hate people saying me like rubbish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm also very stressed out,but its not what I want it to become like this what??!!!

Maybe I'm really like rubbish,just like what you said!!!!

54th Day without You.

2010-01-06T07:39:00.000-02:00

Woke up in the early morning,went back to school to take the 1119 certificates. Many things had changed,but the memories will always be in our heart.

I saw a few teachers,they are getting older,and we're getting older too,its the time we have to work harder for life,for ourselves,no more spoon-feed life,no more caning from teachers,nobody would care for you anymore,perhaps even if you die,no one would realize it.

Why is everything keep changing? I just realized,nothing will be permanent,nothing. Even you're alive now,but you might die in the next second. Even you say you will never do this and that,but one day,your mind would change,for any reason. I'm thinking,sometimes,we shouldn't be too stubborn,just let it go,open up the eyes again,and fly to the bright sky,as high as I can. However,I found its very hard to do that...

My dear,

Perhaps,its really very hard... I know I'm not brave enough,I'm afraid, I'm fear I see something that will disturb my mind and hurt me while I'm flying. I'm afraid when I fall down again nobody could help me... But I hope, even no one willing to lend me a hand,at least,you could sit beside me,tell me some jokes,then I'll have the bravery to depart again,would you?
I know you always want me to fly again, you wish to see a better me. Its very tough,but I'll do my best,for you and for myself. I'll learn to let go, I'll learn to fly,but I choose to love, and I wish one day I'll see you flying together with me, above the same sky.

May You and your family,live healthy and happily everyday.

I love You.

With Love wholeheartedly,
seow wei.

53th Day without You.

2010-01-05T07:15:00.001-02:00

Went to Alecia's place around noon,and yean went to hair icon to color her hair...hmm,the color is quite nice,not bad... did nothing,scanned all my certificates for back up,to make my progress to be smooth for seeking jobs when I need it.

Headed to Nat's house,lazy piglet,was still sleeping when we arrived. Hmm,we had a gathering with buddies, at OXO. The environment is great,the light was too good for photo shooting!!! ^^ Hmm,I need a camera~~~~ T.T

After dinner we had second round at Noodles,e-Gate. We were talking about studies la,econs la, gossips la, careers la and bla bla bla~~~~~ Girls and guys are always different,thats why we are classified into two genders. =.=

Got home quite late also, but I couldn't sleep well whole night!!! Didn't know what the hell I was thinking the whole night.

52th Day without You.

2010-01-04T06:40:00.000-02:00

Hmmm,today is the 1st day of school days. Everybody goes to school and work,and I'm rotting at home,sigh~~~

After that went to Michito,I lost weight!!!!!! Oh my f**king God!! I've lost 5kg in 7 weeks!!! Its the best way to cut down the weight I think. So girls, don't need to spend too much for slimming, crying and being sad is very efficient,haha!!
Oh! Please don't misunderstanding,I'm not doing it intentionally,and I'm not asking you girls to hurt yourself just because of cutting down the weight.

So,we picked up koko around 5pm,yean is going to PJ,so we had to catch up with koko before she's leaving. Hmm,the buffet was not that good, getting worse,waiting for Neway to open..*hehe* It was quite fun singing together with koko, screamed all the way!! Awww,bad romance was to hard!!!! Damn it!!! But it was fun!!! I wondered,do we still have the chance to sing together? I've never been to karaoke together with you,and I wondered why... perhaps its only you thought that it wouldn't be fun.

We left around 1230am I think.
It should be a fun day!!!! But a pervert had ruined my day!!!!!! Fucking bitch!!!!!! I'm gonna chop him down if I see him once again!!!!
For those men who get the chance to read this,pls,never try to do something that is hurting the females!!! Physically or mentally!!!!! As a man,you guys should proud with yourself, appreciate that you're a man and could be stronger than female physically. But please behave yourself at the mean time, WHAT is given to you is not for you to attack the females!!! And even you have the ability doesn't mean you have the right to do so!!!! What the hell you think you are?

I wish The day hating men would never come!! Cause I want to Love him,and I know I only love him.

51th Day without You.

2010-01-03T08:36:00.001-02:00

Hmm,I woke up quite early today, and hang out with mom to padang tembak. The ventilation of the coffee shop is getting better. Can breathe the fresh air finally. Mom saw her friends, they kept asking me when would I get married. =.= I really don't know how to answer. I think, nobody can predict the age of marriage, when it comes,then that is the one.

Stayed at home whole day,did nothing also...sometimes did think of you,wondered what were you doing there... Miss you very much,but I think missing you is not doing something bad,right? And,I have the right to miss you, although I might still feeling a lil sad in the heart, but I like the feelings of missing you and loving you. You need not to feel frustrated or guilty,I don't request you to be sad or guilty. This is my decision,and I,myself chosen it.

Don't ask me not to love you, you know I can't complete this mission. Perhaps I was being too rational last time, Love is a very strange feeling, I just feel like loving you without any worries. No matter what, even one day you become an evil man,but I know you won't,I'm very sure with this!! I just wish to love you quietly, cause I love you,I love the way you are.

50th Day without You

2010-01-02T08:31:00.000-02:00

Didn't do anything in the afternoon,until 6pm, we went to Island Plaza to kacau Pauline. This is only the 2nd time I've been there,the 1st time, I went together with you,and there is the place we had our sweetest memory,on 21st March 08' , I'll never forget it, I think you do the same as me,right? Its always the most beautiful memory between us. =)

After that we went to eat steamboat. Since my lil princess chew hasn't had steamboat for a year time,so tonight we went there. Sigh, my silly friend,you're going to KL for 3 months,I'll be missing you everyday la... T.T *hugs*

We ate a lot,I like the tom yam soup!!!! So nice,but I think its not spicy enough..T.T Last time's one was better... *drooling* I saw wei jie, haha, always got holidays one,flying here and S'pore few times a year. He is a great person I think, wish him all the best in S'pore.

49th Day without You.

2010-01-01T07:45:00.000-02:00

The 1st day of 2010,a new year,and I think both of us also should have a new and better life this year. Today I woke up early and got myself prepared,went to the pre-wedding party,I saw many people were there.

Before going to koko's house, yean and I went to bought a present at GAMA. I'm 20 this year,but I still cannot believe I'm already 20. Cause I found I know very lil thing, I'm still like a naive girl,don't know much about the world. Sigh~~~

Seeing people getting married,I suddenly realised we're getting older and faster...soon,we would be 30,40,50.......suddenly fear of getting older. We talked a lots about the life at koko's house, and I just realised the friendship between me and yean has last for 7 years... I'm very happy and glad to have her,cause we talk everything.. =)

48th Day without You

2009-12-31T07:42:00.000-02:00

Last night, I stayed up the whole night,couldn't sleep,until this morning only I could fall asleep. I found very suffer of having sleep problems. Since 14th November,I never had a sweet dream. Even I could fall asleep very easily once in a while,I also had quite many nightmares. I didn't know why.

Everyone seems waiting for 2010,and they seemed so excited. However,I was not. Its just a new year,and I didn't hang out with anyone also,sometimes staying at home with mom is better,I found myself had some changes compared to the past. Perhaps,I'm getting older,and think too much.

Today is the last day of 2009,a new year is coming soon,it indicates that we should let it go and welcome the new one,right? I wish I could do as what most people say,perhaps,I really I lay you down. Yea,I think I can. As you said, you will accept,and I'll learn to accept.

Perhaps, I shouldn't disturb you anymore. I'm here to say thanks,for being around me,caring me,supporting me and loving me a long the way,at least,I have ever been the girl you loved the most in your life,I'm contented and I shall be glad and grateful. Perhaps after 10 years,when you recall me,you might think this relationship is childish or rediculous,but,for me, it will never be like this. This relationship,between you and me,is the best present granted to me, and I'm here to say,every decision and everything I have done for you was not doing on impulse, cause now only I know, what is LOVE in this life.Even next life, I'll choose to be with you again if I'm fated to be so suffer again,cause I love you.
And I'm so sorry to make you mad and suffer during this period,sorry. You might still drop by and say hi to me if you want,and I'll always remember every single word you told me,I wish you could remember too.

May you and your family live healthy and happily,take care,Ken.

I love You.

Love,
seow wei.

46th Day without You.

2009-12-29T07:36:00.000-02:00

Today,we went for movie in pranginmall. At first we wanted to watch new moon,for you,its a terrible movie. And actually I like to watch twilight series is not because of the story line which about love stufss,its because the venue,the scenery and the background of the movies. I found it sounds mysterious.However, we didn't get to watch it. Instead,we watched the Bodyguard..,which I wanted to watch together with you actually,since we had nothing to watch,so we were forced to watch.

I bought twistee and ate while watching. I thought of you while watching the movie,cause I knew you will like this movie a lot. They are all good actors,especially your idol, ZHEN ZI DAN. He is really cool and very good in martial arts. And now only i know that he is the martial arts' director of many movies, awesome!!

The story is sad,at the end everybody died. T.T The Chinese had sacrified a lot for their nation,for their life,and I think its worth to sacrifice if I was in the hard time with them. I felt very touched and wanted to cry when the story came to the end, I found I was being a lil patriotic also,haha!!

45th Day without You

2009-12-28T11:09:00.000-02:00

I slept until noon this few days...

I don't know why,always feeling the house is silent,so quiet lately. I must switch on the TV everyday once I woke up, cause its quiet until I felt very hard to breathe.

I helped hammies to clean up their house... so sad. I'm very afraid of looking at them or playing with them nowadays... but I wanted to pat them so much,kiss them on their heads...Hammy became very skinny,I'm worried,I'm scared... The feelings are very horrible,I'll not gonna have any pet again...nop. Its sad...

Went to Dewan Sri Pinang to help out of the singing competition last night.It was a special and meaningful competition,all the singers were allowed to sing songs which can encourage others in life. This is the best singing competition I have ever attended. I'm very happy I could help too.

Aimz got a prize... congratss!! Don't be depressed la, you sang to encourage others,but if you are getting depressed,how about those who need your encouragements? You will be doing better in another competition okay? Try to relax, otherwise you would not recover... gambateh!!

Rained very heavily,and we went to eat bak kut teh at roadside... quite good. Don't know whether we would have the chance to eat bak kut teh together again? T.T Got home around 1am, got wet..sigh.... headache some more...you must be having fun with friends... miss you.

Love,

seow wei.

44th Day without You

2009-12-27T03:56:00.002-02:00

I just feel sad... you didn't talk tome,ignored me,cause you know what you say would hurt me. But have you ever thought of it,why your words can just hurt me so easily? And why only I'm the one being hurt?

Can't you just talk something others to me? I know sometimes you purposely did something,it hurts me a lot,but I won't get angry...as you know I always being understanding. And I don't know why,I'm always so stupid of being understanding... I just found that no matter what you do,I can't get very pissed off,I don't know why.

Perhaps now,you won't be able to remember anything happy between us anymore,and you won't view my blog anymore,cause it would just remind you how much you've hurt me right? Then all these would make you feel so suffer... don't worry,soon,you will be free.Perhaps,I have drove you crazy...

Perhaps,after many years,when you suddenly recall me,you would feel like hiding in blanket,cause it might be nightmare for you,right? Or,you will still remember I have ever been your wonderful girlfriend before?

You know? I'm also tired already, don't care whether I still love you or not,just take me as a close friend,a friend that know you better... a friend that you could trust. I just want to be around you,to share your problems,to help,to remind you to smile. I'll smile every time when I think of your chubby grins.... always being so lovely to me.

I found another place to make myself feel better and to make you feel better too. I don't know why,I hope you will find it one day,but not now. When the time comes, you will find it,and only if you're being patience enough.

Perhaps,you will get suffer,very frustrated when you suddenly recall me,a person that make you feel so suffer even when you don't love her anymore. I just want to say sorry about that,I really didn't mean to behave like this,but I have made you go crazy. Sorry.

You might think sorry is useless,and it doesn't matter to you anymore. But,please,don't get angry okay? Just take as,I'm childish, or naive,forgive me this lil evil girl.

*one day,a hamster crawls around,and it falls down.* hehe...^^

Maybe you don't need me anymore since you have found your new friends,but I reassure you, I'll always be here...no matter what. :)

Can I still sms you when my toe pain? :P

Love,

seow wei.

43th Day without You.

2009-12-26T14:12:00.002-02:00

You no good,you no good...haha,i like this phrase!!

I heard,when you miss someone,try lying down and look at the sky,so that the tears won't damp the cheeks,is that real?

How are you? Could you breathe well now? Could you smell the fresh air flowing in your blood this few days? I just realized, we are now being so far a part,perhaps,I'm in pluto and you're in the sun...where are you?!! where are you... ...

Love,

seow wei.

42th Day without You

2009-12-25T14:18:00.002-02:00

Merry Christmas!!!

I wish to see a real Santa Claus~~~

I have a great Christmas eve...a great birthday,perhaps,a great new year eve and December too. I think so. What to do? I also don't know.

Merry Christmas!!! I wish you have a great and fun holidays!! Be healthy and happy,spend more time with family,and take good care of yourself.

Love,

seow wei

38th day without You

2009-12-21T10:03:00.002-02:00

Lost Control...I tried very hard d...

Have fun and enjoy the night with them.

I'm always the one you could be cruel to...

*happy birthday to Ian.

2009-12-20T11:44:00.001-02:00

Pls stop being like this to me... I really can't hold it anymore.

My heart is like broken crystal all over the floor,don't make it into powder,can?

37th Day without You

2009-12-20T10:40:00.002-02:00

You're not missing me anymore~~

I love the way it feels when you touch my hand

Don't wanna let you go
I love the way you say that I am your man
Don't understand why we can't go on and go on
Don't understand why
You don't belong in my arms

Ohh

And even if I cried a thousand tears tonight
Would you come back to me
And even if I walked on the water
Would you come out to sea
Now I can't spend my life standing by
Cause even when I miss you
You're still not missing me

It's funny how my heart just won't let it go
I just don't understand
It's crazy how the pain seems to overflow
The memories of you here with me by my side
I can't deny that you are the love of my life

Ohh

And even if I cried a thousand tears tonight
Would you come back to me
And even if I walked on the water
Would you come out to sea
Now I can't spend my life standing by
Cause even when I miss you
You're still not missing me

And I still cry for you
And I would die for you
I can't believe all the words I heard you say
And I still long for you
And I was strong for you
I can't believe that you'd throw it all away

I still cry for you
I would die for you
I can't believe all the words I heard you say
I still long for you
I was strong for you
I can't believe that you'd throw it all away

And even if I cried a thousand tears tonight
Would you come back to me
And even if I walked on the water
Would you come out to sea
Now I can't spend my life standing by
Cause even when I miss you
You're still not missing me

I still cry for you
I would die for you
I can't believe all the words I heard you say
I still long for you
I was strong for you
I can't believe that you'd throw it all away

Now I can't spend my life standing by
Cause even when I miss you
You're still not missing me

You never scolded me in this one month,But I always brought you troubles in your life. You might feel annoyed,but I'm sure you won't tell me even you do. I know you're not missing me anymore,but my love would still burning for you,my heart would be alive for you,and it would die for you,too.

Love,

seow wei.

36th Day without You.

2009-12-19T13:58:00.003-02:00

You had exam today,I'm still being like last time, afraid that you couldn't wake up,still sending you messages,always telling you I'm here to support. Perhaps,you have got bored of all these I'm still doing now. Perhaps, these are all extra for you,you don't need it anymore actually.

Anyways,knowing that you thought it was okay,then I will be happy for you.

Don't be too sad for the death of senior, life is like a bitch as you said...you might got a lil depressed,but I hope it won't be too long ok? I have seen these a lot this few years... I was very sad,crying in the funerals too. But,what to do? They won't be alive again. Never. So, I appreciate every friend and family,especially those I care and I love.

I hope you will cherish them too,and I know you will. Cause in my heart,You always do. I might not understand you up to 100%, but I know you are a nice person, at least,you were being very nice to me,and love your family.

Don't worry,I'm conscious...I know what I'm doing,ok? I'll keep moving on,cause I never stopped as the time never too. I'll be happy, and I hope you too... lets fly together to the bright sky!!!

you wish your senior to be happy and well,I hope you can be happy too,in the present and also the future,ok? Don't just asking me not to worry... I won't worry.

*I Hope I'd be happy in the days without You, But I'm sure I'll be super happy in the days with You!! * :D

I love You.

Love,

seow wei.

35th Day without You

2009-12-18T13:47:00.000-02:00

Wish me Happy Birthday... there is a song 祝我生日快乐--温岚。its a very nice song... I like it very much,it matches me.

This is another most memorable birthday to me. I had one which was so surprised and happy, and the happiness couldn't be describe with letters last year...and I have one this year which is so sad and heart broken this year,thank you very much for giving me these.

This is the 1st birthday with tears over night. I'll never forget this two birthday until the day I die. And I'll never forget the love between us,too. Don't worry,I don't hate you,but I would still crying when I'm sad while thinking of you.

I know you want to be alone,cut off from the world,I'll respect you,i'll try my best to fulfill you...only watch you flying. I just wish you will still share your happiness and sadness,problems and everything with me,even its only a very lil thing in your daily life... I wish I could be the 1st one to share your happiness,to help you when you get depressed.

I'm sorry,I just want to love you,without disturbing and giving you troubles. Cause my heart told me,she would be in coma if stop loving you.

Love,

seow wei.

Good Luck!! ♥

2009-12-17T11:34:00.002-02:00

Ola... I think I shall change a way to support you... this is special for you!! ^^ Work harder,but do remember take care of yourself!!!

You're always the best!!! Perhaps you think you're not, but at least you are,in my heart.

Love,

seow wei.

34th Day without You

2009-12-17T08:01:00.002-02:00

As long as you're happy,I'll do anything for you...

Cause I don't know since when my priority has been changed to your happiness. But It doesn't mean I'll give up.

I don't know since when I became so stubborn(perhaps in your eyes i am),I won't give up,but I'll stand aside,watching you to fly,hold you when You fall.

Love,

seow wei.

32nd Day without You

2009-12-15T11:59:00.002-02:00

I'm so sorry.

Sorry,sorry,sorry.sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,

sorry,sorry,sorry,sorrys,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorrysorry,

sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,

sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorrys,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,

sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,

sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry.

I don't know what to do to help you feel better,I'm so sorry... Sorry to make you feel so suffer. I'm just useless,always make you feel so suffer...sorry. I'm really sorry...

Love,

seow wei.

31st Day without You

2009-12-14T12:02:00.003-02:00

This is our pic I like the most. I like this smiles.

31st day... this whole month, I dare not to read those letters you gave me... I dare not to watch the pictures in my albums... I dare not to read those msg you sent me...

You know how suffer I am? One month,the love doesn't fade,instead, it is increasing. You? I think you recovered d right? Would you still feeling sad over this? I think you won't anymore.

You told me sleep more then would feel better. Cheat me one. I slept late,but woke up very early,then couldn't sleep anymore. Every night before I sleep I also cried. When I woke up I also cried...... every night i pray, pray that I can see you when I open my eyes. I even dreamed you at night,but I know its just I miss you too much...

You really can't feel anything between us anymore? I really don't understand how could you forgot the feelings? So easy to forgot...... it tells me I'm not important for you you know? Cause you could forgot me...... I thought I was very important to you, you loved me very much,but actually I was naive, I was stupid.

When you look at those pics, also won't feel anything? didn't even feel a lil sweet in your heart? When you wear your shirt that I bought you,didn't even miss me? But I miss you!!!! Wherever. I go, I miss you. When I see couples walking around,I miss you. When I see people having fun in Genting I recalled you. When I drink herbal tea, I miss you. When I see cakes, I miss eating cakes with you. When I went to beach, I recalled we kissed at the beach. When I see beautiful scenery, I wish you are here with me. We have many memories together, not even one can make you feel the love we between us? We said want to do many things together, but now not even half we have done... ... could you feel my heart is bleeding?

You told me I'm wonderful. I think I'm too wonderful,until you could forgot about me. I'm being too nice giving you too much free time. I know you're gonna have exams soon. If can I also don't want to affect your concentration,but I just want to tell you what I'm thinking. Another thing that makes me rather sad is, you're like hiding yourself from me... you no longer tell me everything like last time. There is like a wall between us, This wall increase the distance between us. I feel that you're restricting me from going closer to you. You know how sad I am if I don't know about you? I really don't know how to describe my feelings anymore,and I don't know how much I love you anymore...perhaps,you won't understand, or you never understand.

Last time I won't be afraid,because I had you,but now I always cried,because I don't have you anymore... You're really very important to me you know? When I'm happy,I wish you can share the happiness.When I'm sad, i wish you can console me,sayang me...you know how much I wished you could be here to accompany me yesterday? When I was so sad and headache. You didn't inform me then you entered my life,and you just left me without informing me also...... i think no matter how long i write,what I write, you also won't feel anything anymore...

I wish you good luck,all the best in your exams... no matter what,i'll still pray for you every night. Try your best, you can do it one! I always believe in you,in everything, no doubt.

My friends told me,one day you might found back the feelings, I wish you could,too. I wish you could find it back even when I'm in dream,but I think you would not want to,even you can,right?

You know how much hurt you gave me when you told me,even one day,you know you love me,you also won't try to tell me again. It is because of the distance, or because of you don't have the bravery to face the obstacles? Its because you afraid to be suffer because of you might miss me very much like last time? My heart is really very painful you know? The man I love the most told me,even one day he knows I'm the one who most suit for him,he also choose to give up...

No matter what, It won't change. Its permanent one.

Ding,I love you.

Love,

seow wei.

30th Day without You

2009-12-13T06:12:00.001-02:00

I'm not happy today... I'm very sad....

28th Day without You

2009-12-11T10:38:00.002-02:00

It almost comes to a month... But I'm still feeling sad... I haven't updated my blog for a week. I think you also won't check it everyday anymore.

I tried very hard to control myself, be strong... but sometimes at night, I was sobbing alone in the blanket again...I couldn't control the sadness...your different way in treating me, not as caring as last time anymore...only a few words reply. I was thinking,whether I should continue the conversations or not,am I disturbing your life?

The prisoners, at least they would be released to correct themselves after punishments. But me? I didn't even have a chance to correct myself...to do what i want to do for you. Perhaps, you said its not my fault,but why am i being suffer and sad if its not my fault?

You know? I'm not want to torture you and myself as well... but I'm really very sad...

I thought in this week,which I didn't write any blogs, I got much more better...I really thought I can do it, treat you as a normal friend, not to contact with you too much, but I found its very suffer, I felt like crying when I sang last night. I tried very hard to hold it.

That day, I saw you through webcam. You looked so exhausted and depressed, not even a smile on your face. I guess, usually when you chat with me also don't feel happy,but sad and guilty only. Right? Do you know that? Your happiness is really very important to me? I would feel sad if I know you're sad. And remember I told you? I could really feel your feeling even you don't tell me. I know one......

I wish all my friends could be happy everyday,especially you,cause you're a very important person to me. I want you to be really honest to yourself, really be a happy person,smile from your heart ok? Don't just keep telling me that you're strong,cause I know you are. But strong doesn't mean you will be happy. When you tell yourself you're strong, it could only help you to calm down,accept the sadness,but at the meantime you're trying very hard( or force yourself) to make your emotion calmed...it is not making you happy.

I wish to see you soon. *smile*

Love,

Seow wei.

21st Day without You

2009-12-04T13:12:00.002-02:00

Today is the 21st day I'm no longer the most important person for you.

I remembered,I couldn't sleep again last night... I thought a lot of things, I recalled our memories...I fell asleep with tears. Now,almost every night, I'm not sleeping on pillow anymore... cause i feel very insecure sleep without hugging my pillow(the pillow he liked to hug),his scent is still there,with my tears in the cotton.

I tried very hard to fall asleep,but finally I woke up with nightmare also. I didn't see his msg, I thought he hasn't slept. I sent him a msg and he didn't reply,I knew he fell asleep. I couldn't sleep anymore,so I decided to stay awake. Its almost 7.40am,he hasn't woke up,so..........Ding, I wanted to talk to you,but once I heard you answered the call, I didn't know why I was so nervous and didn't know what to say. I just realized I haven't listen you your voice such a long time, and how long you haven't listened to my voice? perhaps, if one day I call you with public phone you wouldn't be able to recognize that's me.

I watched tv series again. The story was sad but touched. The actor left the girl, the figure when he walked away made me felt so much fear, I was like seeing you walked away... the feeling was so terrible hurt and afraid. The feeling of being left behind,its so much hurt.I couldn't stop crying... However, it was a happy ending. The guy came back for her after 4 years working in Germany. They got engaged at the end.

The 1st thing I thought after this story was: no matter how good the ending is, its just a story in a drama, it could never happen in real life. I told myself not to be so stupid,and it shouldn't be trusted,its just a story written by people. But,somehow,people said life is like drama,drama is like life,too. So, what we should do? Would this really happens in real life? Always a happy ending? I found myself is so idiot and stupid again!! The guy came back cause he thinks the girl is very important for him although at the same time he can't give up his job, at least,the girl means a lot to him until he can never let go anymore. But me? I'm not...He is not,too.

I miss him. I thought I could see him through webcam,but he is now celebrating friend's birthday . I can only be contented,bot to expect too much...then I won't get so much hurt at the end. Perhaps,this is the karma I deserved for expecting too much.

I hope you have fun, don't be depressed because of my msg(always bad news)...

我最幸福的事　当过你的天使

趁鼻酸能掩饰　让我们像当时拥抱最后一次

最幸福的事　吹蜡烛时你总为我许愿的手勢

為至愛的人　在左边心口保留位置　是最幸福的事

我最幸福的事　牵着你的日子

一段爱从开始　直至分开我们都对彼此诚实

最幸福的事　对那片海用力大喊永远的样子

想得起的事　那天和你微笑着认识

是最幸福的事

Love,

seow wei.

20th Day without You

2009-12-03T23:54:00.000-02:00

I watched tv almost the whole day,only did some exercises.

I tried to watch tv series this two weeks...cause it is very suffer to think of you when i had nothing to do. Its funny. You know? I thought watching movies could make me not so sad...but,its worse.

Those dialogs and songs made me recalled you,recalled everything between us.

I opened my drawer,I saw those letters you gave me,I read one of it...I cried again...then I didn't continue reading the rest... I dare not to read anymore,cause it made my heart felt like being cut by knives again.

I have nothing much to say,perhaps i don't know what to say,or I dare not to say... I don't want to know also.

Good night! Work harder for your assignment.

Love,

seow wei.

19th Day without You

2009-12-03T04:19:00.002-02:00

Slept until very late today. You told me your parents went to see you and bought you breakfast,you were very happy. I could feel that...

Yean brought me to Hanchiang College to watch the film screening. I sat there for 6 hours....it was freaking bored!!!

We had our dinner after screening,then headed home.

Didn't do anything much this two days...at least i got something to do. But, its the same, i did think of you also...i wondered, when only I don't need to think of you...?

I haven't cried for 3 or 4 days, but I cried very sadly again last night after chatting with a friend... I missed me very much last night, I wished you were here...but,that is impossible anymore.

Love,

seow wei.

18th Day without You

2009-12-03T04:15:00.002-02:00

I slept until 12pm..then rushed to school for exam.

After that yean came and picked me home. Bathed and rushed to PISA again to help in the wushu performances by the African orphans...

They are so skinny, very pitiful,but at least they are in healthy condition.

We had supper after the show, got to eat fried ice-cream...^^

Although I was busy,but I still though of you once in a while... my memory is good,or yours is poor?

Love,

seow wei.

17th Day without You

2009-11-30T13:05:00.002-02:00

I woke up in the early morning, went to JPN to renew my identity card. The progress was more efficient than last time when I was still kid. We had dim sum after that. I saw loh bak gou, siu mai, I recalled we used to go for dim sum last time, I looked at the food, i thought I want to bring you here next time when you come, but when I turned away,only I realized, it is over...... it is now belonged to the past.

After breakfast then we went for a movie, 2012 WE WERE WARNED. This the best movie ever after TITANIC! I love it. It reminds me of family, love, and humanity. And it told me what I'm gonna do before the end of the world. I'm glad and thankful to know what i'm going to do in the last minutes of life.

We had spent around 2 hours in bookstore, as usual, I read those books I like. I always think, books are actually good friends and teachers, when it comes to a depressed day, it helps me a lots... I asked myself, do I know what kind of books is your favorite, I said yes. But,how about you? Do you know my favorite kind of books? Its not important anymore actually.

I really feel better this few days, I know one day, one day, I might not require you anymore... And, I'm afraid one day, I really don't need you anymore, cause it tells me when I won't be sad anymore, when I won't cry anymore, when I won't feel anything anymore, I should know that, I don't love you anymore. If one day, I really don't need you anymore, would you really just try your best to understand and accept only? Or feeling lil sad inside only?

You're studying now,working hard for the exam. I'm here to wish you good luck and all the best in your exam, assignments and report! You're a good person, Lord Buddha will bless you as his children. I know, perhaps all this wishes won't have any effect to your result, but these are my best wishes, and what I could only do for you now. I swear, every wish is from my heart.

Love,

~seow wei.

16th Day without You

2009-11-29T15:13:00.002-02:00

I couldn't sleep well last night, I rolled around the bed,many hours.... and I fell asleep.

When I opened my eyes.it was 2pm... I sent you a message,telling you I was awake. I started to watch tv series again. I watched it whole day, I hoped I won't have to think of those unhappy things. But, It is just like a scar, it cannot be removed forever. Perhaps, this life, I won't be able to forget, all these...all of our memories...

Although we didn't meet many times, but what you have gave me are beyond your expect. It is precious and memorable, made me thought of you whenever and wherever I am. I have nowhere to escape, not even a hole for me to hide.

You know? people always said: we should cherish what we have, especially those granted by the Lord Buddha. I'm glad and brave to tell, I cherish everything I have, I treasure this relationship, I appreciate you as the most important person for me...but at the end, we had to stop. Though, I wish, the Lord Buddha would grant me a chance again, grant us another part of DESTINY again in the future,and we won't have to be separated again, to walk along this journey together in the rest of our life.

If, if this day will come again, if, this wish comes true one day, I'm sure, I swear, I'll perform better than ever. perhaps, I'm the one who made you to be so suffer,only you tried to escape from the sadness,at the end, I deserved all these. Sorry... I made you to be lonely when you needed someone to be around you.

I wish, from now onwards, I can be around you(maybe as only a friend) when you feel depressed,sad,angry or when you fall down and you need someone to help you, I'm always here.

I just hope that,when you are bored, you're tired,you're sad,you still wiling to tell me,willing to accept my help and warm hugs.

Good night,my love. No matter what, I just want you to know, you're always the best man for me,NO DOUBT!

Love,

Seow wei.

15th Day without You

2009-11-29T14:56:00.002-02:00

Today I got headache, a lil fever... i rested at home.

I had no energy to get up from the bed, but I missed you more than usual. Perhaps, a person needs much care and love when he/she is sick. I wish you could be here,to check on me,check on my temperature with your chin... But I know.it is just a wish,it will never come true.

I got better in the evening. Then I just followed yean and nat out to queensbay. We walked around, had dinner together in JAPIN. The meal was in too large portion, I couldn't finish it and felt like vomiting after that.

I told you I was out, you told me to have fun. Yea, you're right, I always hope you tell me to have fun,but I also wish you could tell me to go home earlier, or tell me that you would get worried. But, you didn't. You never worried about me,even I went out until very late. Perhaps, I seldom went out at night? I still remember, I was super outgoing before we met, and I don't know why, as time passed by, I don't feel like going out too frequent at night, cause I was afraid you would get worried.

I checked your facebook again once i got home. I found that the comment i have left you was missing! I didn't know why...I thought you purposely delete it, I was so sad and depressed. Perhaps, angry and fear...I thought you really didn't want to see me anymore, not even a comment on your profile. But, luckily, it was just a misunderstanding, I'm thankful it was just I thought too much..

You know? You've become a part of my life, just like a necessity of life. Just like, I couldn't sleep without my pillow, I couldn't live under a bright sky without you. You never expected, and I,myself also never expected, I love you more than that I know.

Love,

~Seow wei.

14th Day without You

2009-11-27T14:48:00.002-02:00

I don't know I should say it is so fast or slow, today is the 14th day without you. Perhaps, I would have phobia to 14 onwards. Perhaps, I will be sad on every 14th...

Today,when i woke up, I saw many messages from you. I remembered, I got pissed off,cause you didn't chai me last night. I was waiting there for very long...I nudged you, I was angry,I was sad, but you were not there. You told me anything could just pop out, but you didn't chai me..T.T

I went to yean's house today, we tried to bake cake. I helped her,and it tasted not bad...

I received your letter, I read it when I got into car. I was so sad, desperately sad,when I read every word you wrote, I cried again. My tears lose control and damped the papers...I heart was being tear a part, into pieces.

I really have nothing to say,nothing to say anymore. But, this can't stop me from loving you. You do know me well, I won't give up easily... I would fight for anything I want!! Even,one day I get exhausted and die in the war, it worths. Cause, I love you.

Love,

~seow wei.

13th Day without You

2009-11-26T12:23:00.002-02:00

I got very headache last night, slept early.

I felt my head was freaking painful at midnight, took a tablet of panadol again. T.T

My neck and shoulder were so painful, I thought, if you were here, I might be a lot better. I miss you massaged me, so comfortable. And still, I'm having headache now, my upper body of left side is so painful now, makes me miss you more.

I received your messages in the early morning, I wanted to read it, but I couldn't see the words. My vision was so blur, I tried very hard to read, but I couldn't see the words.

I was so worried, that I might be blind before I become an old woman.I was afraid I can't read your message anymore. I was fear to be blind,cause I would not be able to see you and this world anymore...... I know I can't let it go, I can't let you go..

I had a chocolate donut and a blueberry cheese tart as my breakfast+ lunch. It reminds me again, we had cheese tart together last time. I saw you eating those cheese tart, every time was with a mouthful and you were telling me its so tasty, I smiled, and I felt so sweet in my heart, cause I knew you like it.

I don't know what else I can say, I'm just afraid to have hope, cause I'm afraid I might be disappoint again. I'm just tired... I want to see you, I want to touch you, I want to talk to you... but I know this is dream...

I miss you, I want to cry every time when I miss you, I want to listen to your voice when I miss you... I want to hug you when I miss you. Can?

Love,

~seow wei.

12th Day without You

2009-11-25T13:04:00.002-02:00

As usual, I went to school for exam this morning. Didn't feel like answering the questions, cause I knew I wouldn't know how to do.Got into the hall, and we begun to answer the questions. I tried to write something, and actually I knew some of its.

I didn't nap today in the afternoon. I couldn't sleep, perhaps, 5 or 10 minutes only. So, I just watched some tv series. The phone rang, and I picked up to view the message. I saw you told me you cannot come back to Penang before my birthday. You couldn't make it. I was so sad, I had nothing to say. Perhaps, I was feeling disappointed and sad,perhaps,angry?

Since last year,I planned to visit you in next January, I have been waiting for very long, but at the end we break up. This really made me feel so sad, I thought we could have fun together. Okay, after that, I thought at least we could catch up on my birthday, I was thinking, I was waiting this day to come,but end up, I got disappointed again. What for? is it very funny or exciting hoping to see you? I just want to see you!!! Also cannot!!??? The Buddha is fooling around with me is it? Every time when we want to meet, there must be something to get me into trouble.!!!

I haven't seen you almost one month,but I feel like haven't seen you for ages!!! Perhaps, you didn't feel like want to see me very much, so you wouldn't understand what I was feeling deep in my heart when I knew that we cannot catch up!!! I'm just stupid!! Always breaming everyday like a lunatic. It is time to wake up.

I know you got wrong a lots in exam, sorry, it might be caused by me this troublemaker.. Try to discuss with friends or search online. NEVER GIVE UP k? I know you can do well one! And you know you can!!! Perhaps, I shouldn't disturb you too frequent, you need more time to concentrate and study. TAKE CARE!! I'm always here~~~

Love,

~ Seow Wei.

11th Day without You

2009-11-24T10:58:00.003-02:00

Sigh~~~ I miss you again,so I decided to write blog. My heart is feeling pain again when I saw our pictures in the slide on my desktop. Seriously, I'm still feeling it is such a waste for both of us not being together anymore.

Lets talk about my day. As usual, I woke up in the early morning and rushed to school for exam.

I had no mood to study at all when I arrived at school,cause there were too much to study and it wouldn't work at the moment.

When I opened the question papers, I was shocked and my mind was empty for a few minutes. I kept flipping over the sheets, my god! Not even a question I could score full marks...I was so sad and afraid. I wasted too much time in the structure part,thought very long only for a question. In the last 30 minutes only I begun to answer the essays...and luckily,I did completed,but, I had not enough time to think more detain about those questions...T.T

Tried to sleep after taking a tablet, got flu...sigh~~~ Still so serious now. T.T

I tried to find something to do,so I need not to think of you that much. But,it seems not effective.

I'm still thinking of you. I hugged my pillow while watching tv, suddenly recalled we used to hug the pillow while watching...I wanted to tell you I miss you, but it is meaningless now. You wouldn't feel anything in your heart even I tell you thousands times . I was sad again, cause I know everything is not the same anymore. We cannot do what we used to do, I cannot simply tell you what I want to tell you anymore.

What ian said is right. I'm just feeling unsatisfied, I feel unfair! You know? I'm really very suffer and sad now. I really don't know what else I should do if you're not here... I always think that I'm actually very independent,but in fact,I'm not. I need more love,more care than others do. This is what I realized. However, I know I wouldn't simply go for others just because I need love and care.If I don't love the guy, I would rather being alone, cause I think that, the world is wide, but I found a lovely guy, a nice guy that I love him so much,and he is worth to be loved, this is a blissful one and I shall say that I'm lucky! How about you?

Most of the time,my sixth sense is probably accurate. I think, I would recover,faster than forgetting the feelings of loving you. Perhaps, I'm actually afraid you would not remember me as we are now being farther a part...but I think I get more fear of you involving in another relationship in the future, and your partner would just replace me in your heart. Just like what I said, I'm actually selfish,especially when I meet someone means a lots to me, I wouldn't want to allow another person to live in his heart, cause I will get jealous,cause I care!! But I know this wouldn't stop you from seeking others in the future.

I thought a lots these days, I know I should learn more from Ian, to live in a better way,to be more happy and have my own life. I know I can do that, it is just the matter of time. When it comes, it will be. But I'm sad to tell you a bad news, that I decided try my best to look at the bright sky, but! I will still follow my heart, continue to love you. Cause, I know, my heart would only allow you to live there...until one day, when it is gone. No matter what happens in the future, whether you are rich and happy, poor and depressed, I will be here, welcome you whenever and wherever. Don't care whether it is friendship love or ...... you know, it is just for you.

I want to make a wish here, it is a selfish wish,

I wish: I will be the only girl(your family is excluded) who can live in your heart until eternal life and no one would be able to enter your heart in the future.

Perhaps, it is really a very selfish action, please forgive me if you feel it is so evil of me to make this wish, I just want to say: I just want to be with you, cause I love you. Sorry...T.T

Good luck to you in exams!! I pray every night, I wish, you will be a very successful man in the future as you wish!! *Hugs*

Love,

~Seow Wei.

10th Day without You

2009-11-23T12:25:00.004-02:00

Sigh~~~it comes to the end of day finally.

I remember, I woke up in the early morning. Washed up and headed to school for exam. There were already many people sitting on the bench,around the stoned made tables,chewing books, memorizing essays. I sat down where my classmates gathered, and tried to read through everything again. I found that, there was nothing enters my brain cells. Last minute-working will never be good, it is real. But,perhaps,for some other genius, it works,such as: yeeche,I think.

I just closed all my books and notes, decided not to read anymore. I was just sitting there and watching people studied like hell. I wondered, they really could remember what they were reading? In such a short time...? Most probably not.

Exam started at 8am sharp. I was not nervous at all, not panic at all...perhaps, I thought I wouldn't know how to do,so I was just like doing normal exercises. It surprised me! Those questions looked quite easy actually,but I can't say I get super sure to achieve A. It was just, not tough. I couldn't finish the questions in time during trial,so today, I tried a little faster,hopefully I could complete all the questions,and I did. ^^ *Left 5 mins more*

After the exam, I just went home. I felt as sleepy as stripey(he always sleeps)=.= , then I headed to my lovely bed. What the hell with me!!?? I rolled around the bed for almost 2 hours,but I couldn't sleep!! Then, it popped out again... again, more and more!!! Non-stop... I started to feel I had breathing problems, I couldn't breath. And, my heart started to be pain, and it was so painful!! The sternum was so painful,too! I felt my heart had no energy to pump the blood. I felt very suffer. I felt like cutting myself again, but I didn't. I cried...with all tears damped my pillow,again...cause I missed hugging you when I hugged my pillow. And, I found myself haven't feel your temperature for a very long time. T.T I miss your scent.

I watched tv, I tried to sleep,but it didn't help much. Sigh~~ I feel that my life is so boring,now!! I just sit in the room and study study everyday. No movie,no tv series to watch...T.T I'm gonna die soon if it is still continue for another half year!!!! I can't wait!! I need a new life!! I need a new network and lifestyle. Perhaps, I need you more~~~

Tonight,I guess you would study until very late, maybe you wouldn't have time to check my blog. Anyway, I'm always available for you, 24 hours it is!! Work hard and try your best, Buddha will bless us right? I think I should sleep already, flu is attacking me...=.=

I miss you. I can't tell myself,I am not. I really miss you, very much.

Love,

~seow wei.

9th Day without You

2009-11-22T11:18:00.002-02:00

I didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up and fell asleep. I dreamed tsunami.. That is funny huh? I was in fear when I saw the wave was so high,like falling down from the sky. It was so horrible, I hugged the trunk of the old tree...

I woke up around 12pm. Missed you again once I opened my eyes. You didn't go to wing chun class. Sorry, I made you couldn't wake up for class. Perhaps, I lost control last night,saying many stuffs that made you feel uneasy or sad. Sorry. I just couldn't bear with the truth, that made me so sad and angry. I was feeling so painful in the heart, and perhaps, I felt unfair to myself.

I watched tv for a while, and studied a little after that. I found myself tired and sleepy in the evening,wanted to sleep and study at night. However, I couldn't sleep. I tried very hard to sleep, but I failed. I felt very sad again suddenly, and my heart was in pain, I wanted to cry, but I failed again!!!! I got very frustrated!!! I hate myself!! Why am I so weak? Useless like rubbish, I look pale,no energy like dead people...what the hell with me!!!!

I sms-ed you,and finally I cried when I read what you have told me. I'm sad, I miss you...I can't deny that. But I feel sad when I miss you,and I cry. When I cry,I would feel very weak of me, knowing that I just know how to cry ,being sad everyday!!!

Thanks a lot for written me the blogs, I wish it helps. You must be working very hard now, studying and doing programming...I wish you good luck and all the best, get good results as you want... I'll be always here to support you, as what you do. I miss you. Work hard and try your best, do your best!!

You're a great man! No doubt! And, I'm very lucky to meet you in my life, I shall be glad and thankful...may Buddha blesses both of us,parents,siblings and friends.

Love,

~seow wei.

8th Day without you

2009-11-22T04:44:00.002-02:00

I woke up quite late today, studied a lil after breakfast,perhaps,it should be lunch.

I watched tv when I got bored, slept when I felt tired. I really don't like the life style now. It is bored!!

People keep asking me why it is so sudden in the change of this...I really don't know how many times people asked me, and every time, I didn't know what is the real reason to cause this.

You popped out suddenly,telling me you were bored of doing those logic stuffs,and we had a chat. In the front part, we were quite happy chatting those topics...

but after that,I was so sad, so sad again when I know what you have done. I really don't understand why did you do that...i got angry and very sad at the same time. Perhaps,I should be happy what. You were so busy because of you missed me so much,and at the end you chosen to find some other things to fill up the free time that you used to miss me...So,you wouldn't have to be so suffer.

You know? You have done a very big mistake,and also a very stupid mistakes!!! But, it was effective,isn't it? As you were so busy.you really didn't think of me,you didn't have to be suffer,as time passes,you just forget everything,forget the feelings of loving me....You're stupid you know??? You thought that is the best way for you to cut down the suffer? Look! Now, you had sacrificed both our smiles for you to escape from the suffer moment!!!

Perhaps,same as you, I will never do long distance anymore...and probably won't have the mood of getting another one. You must remember what you told me, no matter what,good or bad things, you must tell me,and I shall be the 1st one to know. Remember all the promises. I will remember until the day I die. I love you, always.

Love,

Seow Wei.

7th Day without You

2009-11-20T10:22:00.003-02:00

7th day. I found that the days without you passing so slow,so slow like an earthworm crawling on the ground. The clocks seem like spoiled already,ticking so slow.

I saw X'mas trees around this few days,but I cannot feel the air of christmas. You know? I like Christmas very much, and I felt very happy once it comes to December,cause it is holidays, my birthday,christmas and new year... But,this year,everything is different,its not the same anymore...

I feel down,I don't feel like celebrating any festival,even my birthday,even I get many presents, its just the same. I always think that celebrating christmas with friends and the love one is very warm and sweet, and last year, I thought I could celebrate with you this year,and I already got the idea to buy you a christmas present. Now, I think, shouldn't I give you this?

I walked around,I saw many nice clothes,nice dresses,I thought I'm going to KL to visit you,and we could shop for our new year's clothes together. I thought we could go to Sunway Lagoon together,I thought you said you want to bring me around when I visit you. I remember,you told me I will be the queen when I go to KL,and you're my slave...you said you will bring me to KLCC,we watch movies together until we fall asleep. I was thinking I could try the butter sotong when I go...I thought for a long time to make you some dishes when you go to class,and you could eat when you finish class. But,why!!!!! Why you destroy my plans!!!???? Why you must do this to me!!???? You know you have ruined my december!!?? You have destroyed my dreams!!!!!

I hate you!! I hate you!! I hate you!!!!!!!!!!

Why did you leave me so many memories!!??? Why did you treat me so nice???? If you are a bastard, I can just forget about you and go for others!!!!! But why?? Until now, I still wondering what are you doing...wonder whether you are healthy or not. And until now, I'm still missing you like a stupid one!! I'm still thinking of you like an idiot!!! Perhaps, you are having fun with friends now, doing those things you like to do,and don't even think of me...and though, I'm still being so stupid crying here now!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was thinking, now,I don't need to go to KL anymore, don't need to visit you,and what should I do? I was thinking of travelling to somewhere,I want to go s'pore. I recall again, I thought of asking you to join us,I thought we could go to Redang together next year,but now!!!! Its all become ashes!!! We wont have the chance anymore... Don't mention about travelling together,perhaps,we couldn't meet even when you come back to Penang.

In your mind,do you still remember all these? Could you feel how much sadness I have? Do you know how long I have been waiting for this trip to visit you? Do you really know this!!!????? How much hope I have? To see you, and we could hang out somewhere we like. Do something we like together....and now, I'm writing blog here with tears all over my cheeks, is what I deserved!!???? Is what you leave me!!!!! This is what I deserved for being a dreamer, for hoping to see you!!!!! I'm just stupid,stupid and stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't cry for almost two days, do you know how suffer it is when I am so sad but I couldn't cry? Do you know what is the feeling when someone cry without tears? You know how much pain in my heart? In the bones? DO YOU KNOW??!!!!!!!!!!

6th Day without You

2009-11-19T10:13:00.002-02:00

I couldn't sleep last night. I was thinking what you were doing...and I thought of the questions....

I tried very hard not to think of you. Cause,I was afraid I would cry when I was having exam.

Today,I woke up around 3am,rolled around the bed. I couldn't sleep anymore. I started to study,memorize all the essays that i spotted. I saw your message,was so happy. I had my breakfast in the morning,then Alecia came and we continued study and had some talks about.......

I was thinking,perhaps,our relationship is too stable. perhaps,too bored. We are rational,too rational...we never quarreled,never fight. So,I think,it is too peaceful,thats why nothing impressive could be remembered by you,and then,the feelings just gone.

Went to have our lunch around 12pm with lay eng. We met mooi and her bf...they look sweet too. At least,they see each others everyday...perhaps,they would just get married soon. Shouldn't I jealous or envy? I think its still very far for me to get one. Perhaps,I wont get the chance in this life. I don't know,perhaps. I know myself,I think so.

After lunch.we just drove to school. What kind of residents in Penang I really don't understand! The road was already so narrow,and why did you guys just parked anywhere you like??!! You would just get people into troubles! How if there is an accident? Everybody is gonna be burned into ashes if one of the car is going to explode!!! You will just ruin people's future!! Please. try to polish your brain and use it more frequently!!

We arrived at school around 1.10pm..and the exam was gonna start at 2pm sharp. Somebody said we had to sit for the exam in the hall,and some said we had to go upstairs for exam. What the hell!! Everybody just gathered there and not even a teacher knows the exact location of the exam. The examiners came around 1.45pm,and asked us to gather at tennis court again. Why are the teachers being so stupid nowadays? There were crowd of people talking there,and why didn't you teachers use a microphone to talk? You guys just kept shouting and yelling...actually only the students in front could hear you. And what for you shouted so loud if the students at the back couldn't even hear you? Perhaps,they didn't even realize you were there.

Exam was sucks!! It was fucking hard....sigh~~~~ I'm really worried and afraid. T.T

I saw your message right after exam. I was happy,perhaps,relieved when I saw it. I wondered again., would you keep checking your phone,see whether I dropped you any message like what I do? Did you? And,did you think of me every night before you sleep? Or, miss me when I don't even send you a message?

5th Day without You

2009-11-19T10:03:00.002-02:00

I had nightmares again last night...I remembered,I sent you a msg. I thought you slept d,but I was so happy when I saw your reply.

Then,I continued to sleep. Until 1pm on the next day.

I saw many msg from you,asking me to be strong...and study hard.

But,I was just so tired and feeling exhausted. Then I continued to sleep. I got stidied a lil when I woke up.

I tried to study. Until 8pm, I thought I wanted to sleep already,but I couldn't. Then I went online and checked on some psychology courses. I headed to bed around 10pm. I rolled around the bed. Here and there. T.T Couldn't sleep.Then I sms................. and after reading the msg,rolled a while more,and didn't know what time,I fell asleep.

失落沙洲

2009-11-18T11:03:00.001-02:00

又来到这个港口没有原因的拘留

我的心乘着斑驳的轻舟

寻找失落的沙洲

随时间的海浪漂流

我用力张开双手

拥抱那么多起起落落

想念的还是你望着我的眼波

*我不是一定要你回来

只是当又一個人看海

回头才发现你不在

留下我迂回的徘徊

我不是一定要你回來

只是当又把回忆翻开

除了你之外的空白

还有谁能来教我爱

又回到这个尽头我也想再往前走

只是愈看见海阔天空

愈遗憾没有你分享我的感动

我不是一定要你回來

只是当又一个人看海

疲惫的身影不是我

不是你想看见的我

我不是一定要你回來

只是当独自走入人海

除了你之外的依赖

还有谁能叫我勇敢

除了你之外的空白

还有谁能来教我爱

♥ 我真的希望 ♥

2009-11-17T09:48:00.003-02:00

不知道为什么，

看见你把照片换了，我的心，好像突然停止了跳动。

鼻头顿时感觉一阵酸溜溜的。。

眼泪就这么的失控，流个不停。

我知道，我应该要知足，

但，你知道吗？我天生就是贪心，

我想要的，并不只是当一个最了解你的人。。。

如果贪心是要被惩罚，我宁愿受罪！

其实，我真的希望，或者是奢望，

老天爷会让我们再遇到，

我知道强求也不会有好结果，

所以，我会祈祷，愿祂保佑我们俩。。

可以在路的最前方相遇，

同时也保佑你，天天平安快乐！

如果，倘若，我们有缘再相遇，

我真的会珍惜，更珍惜这份感情。。。

但是，我已经不知道还可以，或怎样做得更好，

因为，你对我说，我是个很好的，

但，你却让那份爱悄悄的走远了！

也许，我的心，很久，很久，都不能原谅你对我好，却又让你对我的爱走远。。

我爱你！我不知道是多少，

但，你会永远都记在心里，我，曾经在你心里住过。

~害怕自己会忘记你的我

4th Day without You

2009-11-17T06:50:00.002-02:00

I woke up quite early in the morning today,could smell the air is still fresh,and it tells me this would be a good day. I told myself and you good morning. Pick up the phone and look at the screen,no message. I was down,perhaps,you were busy doing programming.

I switched on computer again as usual...found that eeteen tagged you two photos. I clicked its, you smiled happily,in the photos. Very charming...I wondered,when would be the next time I can see your smile? This kind of smile which can touch my heart.

I had nightmares last night,and previous nights too. It were so real,and horrible..scary. T.T I dreamt myself fell down from a tall building, and my chest bleeding,I saw my heart was beating so fast,blood dripping out...I couldn't breathe in the nightmares...

I don't understand why? Perhaps,I'm stressed? Sad? Or I'm feeling insecure? I don't know.

You know? I'm feeling better. But I really hate the emotion!! It can just popped out when it likes...made me felt very painful suddenly in the heart,in the bone...like being cut by thousands of knives or needles? So painful...

I tried to write diary...I haven't write any since 14th of July. I read through the diary...every single page, I just realized we have many happy memories...and the most sweet chapter is the stories during NS. I cried again...again and again. The tears damped my pillow...it was wet,half,thoroughly. I was being so much in pain,until i cried without voice. I was like shouting,but no voice come out from my sound box...no at all...

Perhaps,the external wound could never be compared with the internal one... wanted to cut myself with knife,so i would not feel pain anymore...but I know,I wont do that.

I played with hammies again...they are 1-year-old already. T.T I recalled again,when I received this present from you last year,I was so happy. This is the best surprise and best gift I have ever received...I love them so much. Then,I suddenly thought of this year's birthday...I think it wouldn't be happy. You gave me the best present last year,and you left me tears this year...This is the price I have to pay for being happy last year I think.

I kept looking at the screen of my phone.no message...Then I tried to read through the notes again..and don't know when,I fell asleep...with tears on my cheeks and neck.

I miss you, I miss you,I miss you.......................... I don't know how much,but I just can't stop missing you.

Love,

~Hammy.

You're bad!

2009-11-16T10:41:00.002-02:00

You told me you want everyone smile when you die...including me..

I can't...I'll be very sad...you know?

Then,I'll be lonely...nobody is gonna teach me how to improve my english...

You said you meditated to spread us merit...and when you die you will pass all the merits to us..

I don't want!!!!

I rather be suffer like now...T.T

please,you must take good care of yourself,wherever and whenever you are,as you promised me you will..don't break the promise!!!

You know? I wondered,if one day,I die before you...perhaps,soon..what would you tell me? And how would you feel...? In your heart, there is how many percents are belonged to me..? I really don't know...

You really willing to let me be sad...willing to make me cry...wouldn't even think of me a minutes in a day? Or feel like want to see me once in a while? You're really bad you know? How could you being so cruel? I'm actually very weak,out of your expected..I'm not that strong as what you imagine...

Losing a love one is very suffer,could you imagine that? Could you feel how much pain deep inside my heart? And could you tell me how is the feeling of losing your love one? Please,never ever say you would die...I'm afraid,that moment,I can't be strong anymore....

3rd Day Without You

2009-11-16T06:46:00.003-02:00

You taught me to improve my speaking,and I'm willing to do that also.Thank a lot for what you have taught me.

I told myself and you 'Good Morning!' today...^^ I did feel better...

I listened to you,I had my breakfast...and started to study. I couldn't. I did some exercises,and read Eragon.

I realized,it is hard to read out loud actually if we don't used to it. But,I tried. At first,I read out softly......and it wasn't as fluent as you,but I continued until the 3rd chapter...I had more confident to read out loud. And I just keep on reading until I'm tired. I found that my vocabulary isn't good,perhaps,poor. I had to flip over the dictionary for those strange words. But, I think poor is a good sign,it reminds me to learn,to learn more.

Watched Phobia 2. I remembered you told me it was so scary. But I couldn't really feel how much fear you had actually when you were at the scene. So,I decided to watch it.

T.T It was quite scary, but mostly we are being frightened by the sound effects. So,when I was afraid,I closed my eyes,I closed my ears...I thought of you. I could feel how did you feel when you were watching finally....

For me,the last story is the most scary one, I shouted out few times...But, it has its funny parts...

I did laugh of some of it...One of the monk said:"what you hear and what you see, they are exist,but they are not real". I wondered.

And the 3rd story,the backpackers. It reminds me to take care of myself. I will never do something that would get me into danger, cause I want to see my family,my friends,my love ones,especially you...

I didn't cry today,until i watched tv...There was an actor,he told his love,he will never leave her alone...This made me recalled somethings...and I couldn't hold it anymore,I cried.

I missed you a lots today. But,I choose not to sms you...Cause I know you need to pay attention,need to study,you should have your own free time to interact with your friends...So,I tried to control myself,not to disturb you as much as I can.

I'm listening songs now,those songs become much meaningful when we listen with sad mood.

Cause,the lyrics are describing our conditions...and,I cry non-stop again.

Perhaps, we fated to be different. Male and female will be different,now and forever.

We have different thoughts. Different ways to distract ourselves. Sometimes, I just feel like hugging you...especially when I'm cold.

Love,

Hammy.

...舍不得...

2009-11-16T06:36:00.003-02:00

第一次你陪我坐着

我的手心是空空的

我知道那些简讯声你努力藏著

还怕我难过

不追问到底为什么

是我最后的温柔

想笑着附和说分开是好的

但我们却怎么一起哭了?

我舍不得

可是时间回不去了

爱你很值得

只是该停了

没有我你要好好的

我舍不得

最后一次抱紧你了

我们错过的

错了就错了

不用担心我不爱你了

不追问到底为什么

是我最后的温柔

想笑着附和说分开是好的

但我们却怎么一起哭了

我舍不得

可是时间回不去了

爱你很值得

只是该停了

没有我你要好好的

我舍不得

最后一次抱紧你了

我们错过的

错了就错了

不用担心我不爱你了

至少你记忆里的我是微笑的

亲爱的 有你牵著我的那些日子

真的好快乐

我舍不得

可是时间回不去了

爱你很值得

只是该停了

没有我你要好好的

我舍不得

最后一次抱紧你了

我们错过的

错了就错了

不用担心我

..我..走..了..

祝我生日快乐

2009-11-16T06:15:00.001-02:00

我知道伤心不能改变什么 那么让我诚实一点 诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄 只有关上了门不必理谁 一个人坐在空的包厢里面 手机让它休息一夜 那上千个切掉回忆的画面 眼泪不能流过十二点 生日快乐 我对自己说 蜡烛点了 寂寞亮了 生日快乐 泪也融了 我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切 还爱你的一点恨 还要时间 才能平衡 热恋伤痕 画面重生 祝我生日快乐

i felt so sad when i listened to this song..and i wonder,would I be like this girl?

wish myself Happy Birthday on my birthday..

我可以抱你吗?

2009-11-16T06:10:00.001-02:00

外面下着雨

犹如我心血在滴

爱你那么久

其实算算不容易

就要分东西

明天不再有关系

留在家里的衣服

有空再来拿回去

不去想爱都结了果

舍不得拼命找借口

不勉强你再为了我

心不在留不准是痛

我可以抱你吗爱人

让我在你肩膀哭泣

如果今天我们就要分离

让我痛快地哭出声音

我可以抱你吗爱人

容我最后一次这样叫你

你也不得已

我会笑笑地离去

2nd Day without You

2009-11-15T02:32:00.002-02:00

We had chatted for quite long last night...i did feel better..and we seemed could be really good friends i think...

I was having headache,and kept thinking about you until i couldn't get into sleep...i know you were sleepy,but you still accompanied me until we felt sleepy..thanks..i mean it..

Today,the 2nd day without you. I woke up in the morning...feeling better with my headache. I went online,saw many friends left me some comments in facebook ...i felt touched..and i started to cry again...I clicked on your profile...cried again when i saw your picture..

Clicking on your profile,your blogs,sms you in the morning and before i sleep have became my habits....I can't change,and don't feel like having any changes.

I opened my blog,seeing all our photos made me cried like nobody business again...I read your blog,which you posted special for me...(that can be only for me)T.T I cried again while reading every single word...I'll always remember you,too.

I'll try to be strong,be brave,like what you want me to....i know its very tough,very suffer,but,please give me some times.....I really don't know what to do without you...i'm like losing the direction...

I helped hammies to clean the cage..you told me they will cheer me up...and the main purpose you gave them to me is also to cheer me up when i'm sad and lonely...

But,they aren't!! They didn't cheer me up....i saw they were kissing each other,they smelled each other..i cried again...and i started to think,how if they die one day..? Where i should bury them?

(I don't want anybody disturb them...T.T) And who is gonna accompany me when i'm alone,when i'm sad..everything is different already like what you said...

I'm afraid,very afraid to be alone..now only i realized...

The sky will be bright if i look together with you even its dark and gloomy...but the sky would be dark when i look without you,even there is rainbow...

I really don't know when only my pillow would be dried. And i don't know when only i feel tired of crying...feel tired of missing you...? I don't know....And i wish to see you...very very much...

You will always be remembered,in my brain...and in my heart,no doubt...

Love,

Hammy...(i'm always be,and it can only being used by me)

1st Day without You

2009-11-14T06:03:00.002-02:00

i cried..and i'm still crying.

I don't know when i can stop crying...i just don't know how to release my sadness deep in my heart except crying...

Perhaps,i'm afraid...afraid of losing you..losing a partner..afraid of being alone...nobody will accompany me anymore...i really very suffer now...

I can't stop crying...until the tears blur my vision...

I have no energy anymore...I can't even walk like normal..

I don't feel like eating..cause i don't feel hungry at all..

Why...i really don't understand....

I really not use to it..can't call you as my dear anymore...can't tell you that i miss you anymore..

can't request you to sms me before you sleep anymore...

I can't get to know what you're doing anymore...

I can't ask you this and that anymore...

I don't know how to tell you how much i love you....I just know i need you very much..

I don't feel like going out or seeing anybody...I just want to stay in my room...watching everything you gave me...miss you alone in my room...

一年零八个月

2009-11-14T04:45:00.002-02:00

从今天开始，我们就是毫无瓜葛，不拖不欠。。。

只剩下“朋友”这两个字来形容我们的关系。。

也许，是比普通朋友再普通不过的朋友。。

虽然我真的很舍不得，但，只要你开心，我什么都没关系。。。

不管什么时候，只要你需要我，我都万死不辞！

在这里。容许我再对你说一句：我爱你！我希望是：一万年！

I really Dont Know Why....???

2009-11-11T11:20:00.003-02:00

LOL..this is actually very funny...

I don't know why I miss you so much,

I don't know why I treat you so nice,

And I don't know why I'm typing this......T.T

Perhaps,i'm too free...sigh~~~~

This is the 1st time i'm being so annoying(i really feel that i'm being annoying)..

Argh!! What's wrong with me....? Or I miss you too much....? =.=

I wish to know how not being so nice to you..

and i wish to know how not missing you so much too..T.T

Selfish ! its all because you're selfish!!

2009-11-08T22:28:00.003-02:00

I really don't know my brain space is so large...until every cell can be occupied by you...until i couldn't sleep...until i couldn't breathe...

It is very nice to listen,asking me study hard,promise you to study like a machine...very good!!!! You are just selfish!!! To make yourself feel better!!!! You only think for yourself!!!! You told me that you still can study like a machine even you're in my case right? Means i'm not so important to you actually..cause your assignments are more important...you!! yourself are more important!!!! perhaps,its because of you haven't met the one you love very much...but i bet!!! you will taste this like what i'm doing now!!! I'm not cursing..but this is karma..what you do to others,you will get once in future...

I thought i know you very well...family and studies is very important to you,i understand...so i never not trying to understand your situation...but at the end what you have left for me...? tears...i tried very hard to sleep...but i failed.

why must you do this to me??? is it i'm still not good enough...? i feel like i'm getting more and more stupid!!! why am i asking you this question!!!????

Do you know how much pain i feel in my heart? why must you cut me so deeply? dont you feel sad also? or,its totally not worth to feel sad ? what i am in your heart??!!!! i'm your gf or i'm just your toy???? a toy which you play in hands when you like...!!!!??

I told you many times to think properly..but it seems like what i told you did not get into your mind...how many times more you want to make me cry over the nights? Or you just want to do some tests upon how much i love you????

2009-11-08T14:42:00.003-02:00

I love this!! ♥

2009-10-30T12:47:00.003-02:00

hmmm..i really like this pic a lots...
Thx darl,for smiling so sweet~~~
Thx myself, for knowing Ding~~~XD
and thx eeTeen,for helping to edit this!!!^^ I love it!!

Uncontented

2009-10-28T01:39:00.002-02:00

Lol...I was thinking of going to eat yam cake opposite CDK yesterday...and we were so happy that both of us also wanted to eat at the same time..so excited like we have found a treasure..

Then yean just drove there..what the hell,the hawker didn't make yam cake...we thought could have a chance to taste the years-not-tasted and favorite snack..Omg!! How could it be la!! =.=
What to do,we just ordered 'siu mai' and 'char siew pao' lo...T.T

Although it was quite delicious,but we still feel uncontented without yam cake!!!
hng!! I must eat next week!!! *yum yum*

yean: i want to eat yam cake!! XD

A tragedy..

2009-10-25T11:46:00.003-02:00

夫泼硫酸悲剧揭内情女死者嗜赌负债

二零零九年十月二十五日下午五时三十五分

（槟城25日讯）槟城峇都兰樟木屋区发生的丈夫以硫酸（镪水）泼死妻子锺瑞莲，并导致女儿可能眼瞎的家变悲剧，肇事起因急转直下，与女死者生前嗜赌有关。

涉嫌泼硫酸杀害妻女的陈氏嫌犯，据知在数年前为了帮女死者还赌债，而不惜抵押6万令吉的廉价组屋单位，不过据知女死者在外仍债台高筑，一般相信他无法再承担长期还债压力下，而萌生杀念！

据消息称，嫌犯在接受警方调查时，声称对妻子钟瑞莲“忍无可忍”下才萌生杀念。至于埋伏的杀机，据知是数年前女死者在一间公会任职时，疑动用一笔公款还债被揭发，后来嫌犯为了帮女死者还清公款，而把一栋廉价组屋单位抵押。

入不敷出

虽然嫌犯抵押了组屋单位，不过仍需继续摊还剩余的债款。据知，女死者在外相信仍有债务，导致嫌犯的收入都不够支付欠款。同时，死者经常与嫌犯吵架,致使嫌犯早已在心中埋下行凶伏线。

据警方调查得悉，嫌犯一直承受著长期还债的压力，因此早已萌生杀机，所以于去年买了硫酸收在家里。结果，周六凌晨嫌犯相信在按捺不住压力，失去理智泼硫酸杀害妻女，过后再向警方自首。

另一方面，槟州总警长拿督威拉阿育耶谷副总监受询时说，警方已完成调查工作，预料近日会提控嫌犯，因此他不愿多谈调查详情。

犹如烈火焚身死者赤裸待救援

女死者钟瑞莲被丈夫泼大量硫酸泼后，犹如烈火焚烧全身，马上脱掉上衣，赤裸跑向屋外！

当时，她无法再站立起来，并要求女儿陈慧琳向娘家求救。据女死者的老母亲香阿苏受访时说，她听到外孙女求助声后，她及时走出屋外了解情况，看到女儿负伤坐在屋外。

“我只有一个女儿、一个外孙女，看著她们全身被硫酸灼伤的痛苦情况，我很心痛！”

她说，女死者一直抖动，痛苦呻吟及呼吸急促。她马上扶女儿坐在邻居屋外的五脚基，以等待亲友驾车把女死者送往医院。在女儿与孙女入院后，她一直陪在女儿身旁直到中午12时许不治。

死者一月前开始营业

与死者在同一间茶室做生意的罗先生接受《光华日报》询问时指出，死者在1个月前才在该茶室营业。

他说，由于死者营业档口在茶室后半部，因此他鲜少和死者交谈。他披露，死者经常在下午4时许才开始营业，除了有聘请员工，死者的女儿及母亲都有到档口帮忙。

房东：偶尔听见吵架嫌犯性格沉默怪异

女死者房东张土生指出，女死者一家租住他住所多年，两夫妇除偶有吵架外，并没有上演铁公鸡事件。他说，虽然与嫌犯一家认识多年，但除与女死者平日有所交流外，嫌犯则是绝少彼此有交谈。

据知，嫌犯性格沉默怪异，邻居都不敢恭维。嫌犯平日下班后就会在坐在屋内，并不会与出外邻居交际，甚至有邻居打招呼时，也不理不睬。

据了解，曾有一名邻居善意向嫌犯打招呼时，嫌犯突鄙视性朝地上吐口水，今邻居尴尬不已。

死者兄长：心疼妹妹谴责嫌犯狠心无情

死者钟瑞莲的二哥钟海荣（56岁）指陈氏嫌犯狠心无情，向来都不尊重长辈，每次碰面嫌犯都不打招呼，也没有交流，甚至岳父在3年前逝世时，嫌犯也没有出席丧礼。

“我们家人都很疼爱妹妹，妹妹的为人开朗，也很乐于助人，有时候也有给她钱，所以她没有面对钱财问题。”

他透露，妹妹及妹夫两人以前的关系很好，不过家人并不懂从什么时候开始，两人开始有出现问题。钟海荣坦言，对两人的事情不太了解，也没有过问太多，不过曾有见过妹妹的眼睛瘀青，相信是被妹夫打伤。

今火葬遗体

“她最常跟我讲心事，可是每次她都讲一点，不讲一点；她担心告诉我们后，我们会找他丈夫算帐，所以避免惹事而不把事情完全说出来。”

女死者在家排行第五，大哥已去世，她的二哥海荣、三哥海发、四哥海华、弟弟钟海得及表哥郭清伟等亲友，于周日早上10时许皆前往槟城医院太平间办理领尸手续。原本在吉隆坡公干的二哥以及在新加坡的四哥，于周日早上赶返槟城。

为了避免老人家承受不住打击，死者的78岁老母亲没有随同前往太平间。死者遗体将在发林邱公司停柩，周一将在槟榔屿广汀暨汀州会馆白云山庄火葬场进行火葬。

陈俊宏：以屋抵押父确曾代母还债

女死者的儿子陈俊宏不否认，父亲之前曾经抵押组屋单位，替其母亲还债，不过，据他所知，这已是很久的事。

对于父亲曾抵押组屋单位替母亲还债的事，陈俊宏也表示事过已久，对于详情已没有印象。他认为，即使这样，父亲也不可以施毒手把母亲杀死，甚至对妹妹造成无法磨灭的创伤，断失妹妹的大好前途！

“他替妈妈还债，也不是我妈妈逼他的！”

“父是冷血禽兽” 誓与父亲姑姑断绝关系

陈俊宏强调，他除了不认父亲外，他也与父亲一方的亲戚分清界线！

“他简直是冷血禽兽，不是人，我没有这个父亲！”

陈俊宏提及，由于姑姑（嫌犯的姐姐及妹妹）要他不可以一直站在母亲立场著想，这致使他很不满，并为这事与她们大吵。他无法接受姑姑们的想法，因此他除了不再认嫌犯为父亲，也不再认父亲一方的亲戚，彼此划清界线。

据本报记者周日下午在太平间所见，陈俊宏与舅舅们在领出母亲遗体后嚎啕大哭，直谴责嫌犯“禽兽”。另一方面，陈俊宏的二舅舅钟海荣也表示，男嫌犯的家属在事发后，也没有致电慰问，他对此深感不满。

暂没心情读书为了妹妹会坚强

将于11月1日面对最后期考的陈俊宏，表示目前没有心情读书做准备。

他说，家里发生这起悲剧后，他根本没有心情念书。无论如何，陈俊宏表示伤心归伤心，不过为了妹妹的未来，他将会坚持面对未来，继续努力完成学业，负起照顾妹妹的责任。

目前就读北方大学金融系一年级第一学期的陈俊宏，目前暂居住在舅舅家。

苏醒后激动追问母状况陈慧琳双目失明

陈慧琳今早已苏醒，虽然她还无法说话，不过用写字追问母亲情况，然而为了顾及她的情绪，医院护士及家人都暂时隐瞒事实。

据慧琳的哥哥陈俊宏指出，早上探望妹妹时，她的心跳已稳定并没有生命危险，不过需要靠助氧器呼吸，至于双眼已失明。他说，慧琳还不能说话，对于亲友的慰问，只能以写回答。

他指出，慧琳的脸部60％受伤及肿胀，身体也有些部分被硫酸灼伤。他说，慧琳的情绪激动，一直追问母亲情况，不过护士及家人都暂时隐瞒著她。他相信，妹妹大概知道母亲已去世。

母女情深互为对方

“妈要死了，你要活下去” 临终前要女儿坚强

“慧琳，妈妈要死了，但你要坚强活下法!”

女死者钟瑞莲奄奄一息，坐在五脚基等待亲友援助时，一直重复向女儿重复同一句话。据悉，女死者在深切治疗病房苦苦支撑9小时，并在昏迷的女儿脱离危险期后，咽下最后一口气而终。

据悉，女死者可能已意料自己的情况不乐观，存活希望很低，因此在送院治疗途中，嘴里一直叮咛已昏迷的女儿，遇上任何问题都要努力克服，坚强活下去。

“我盲了，快先去救母亲” 慧琳不顾己身求救

“婆婆，我盲了，你要快想办法救妈妈！”

女死者母亲香阿苏指出，她在半夜睡至蒙蒙胧胧时，突然听到屋外断断续续的求救声。她断定是外孙女在屋外求助后，心知不妥忙下床查看。

她从家中高楼梯步下时差点跌倒，到屋外时见到外孙女哀叫说：“婆婆，我眼睛盲了，但你不要管我，妈妈在屋外，快点想办法救妈妈。”

她说，外孙女脸部淋到硫酸后，双眼无法张，不过仍忍住痛楚求助。

家人眼中烂男人职场上是好员工

尽管陈氏嫌犯在家人眼中是很不顾家的男人，不过据知他在工作方面却是个尽责的职员。

据记者了解，任职槟岛市政局卫生助理（俗称“地牛”）的陈氏嫌犯，主要是负责巡视监督亚依淡区及丹绒武雅区的饮食中心、餐厅卫生工作。据了解，嫌犯在上司及同僚眼中，是个好下属也是好同事，他们都不知嫌犯的家庭有问题。

在同事眼中，他是孤僻及内向的人，鲜少有主动提起家事。

彭文宝：心痛悲剧发生福利部将助慧琳

掌管卫生福利与爱心社会州行政议员彭文宝受询时指出，对这起家庭悲剧感到心痛，一个家庭就因为一小撮问题酿成人命伤亡。

他说，目前有待警方展开调查工作，而槟州福利部将对死者失明的女儿提供援助。此外，死者女儿陈慧琳的30余位同学在看见报章的新闻后，纷纷赶到医院了解情况。她们说，慧琳早上有醒过来，但不到1分钟又昏迷过去。

槟州行政议员罗兴强的助理及日落洞国会议员黄泉安的助理，皆于今日前往医院了解陈慧琳的伤势。

p/s: i'm so sad..I was shocked when i got to know that's my friend's mom....feel sad for him because of losing his mom...feel so cruel because of having his father,feel worry because of his sister(she is just 17!!!! what you gonna pay for her future??!!! she is not deserved this!!!) and himself.....

ah Tan: i watched a tv series..the mother told her children that being sad for 3 months is really enough...they should be strong,and return to normal daily life after 3 months....I hope you will be strong,be strong for your mother,be strong for your sis.....anything you need help,don't hesitate to call us...although we haven't met for almost one year..but once is friend,always friend...we're willing to lend you a hand....take care!!! *hugs* (RIP aunty)

A Good News

2009-10-24T06:33:00.002-02:00

Feel so happy for Ding and Lina(i don't know why)...Congratss again!!!
I just found that they are so-perfect-matched!!! Both gorgeous and smart!!!
I can feel the sweet-air around there by watching all the photos...so sweetttttttt..

Just wanna express what i'm feeling now..here to wish them live happily for the rest of life!! ^^
Congratss again to Ding and Lina!! ^^
And have a better one in december~~~

Carboxylic Acids

2009-10-11T04:21:00.003-02:00

Preparation of benzoic acid:

(i) methylbenzene + [O] = benzoic acid (KMnO4 + H2SO4)

(ii) phenylmethanol + [O] = benzoic acid (KMnO4 + H2SO4)

(iii) benzaldehyde + [O] = benzoic acid (KMnO4 + H2SO4)

(iv) benzonitrile + [O] + benzoic acid (HCl)

Chemical Reactions of Benzoic acid:

(i) neutralisation: benzoic acid + NaOH = sodium benzoate

(ii) esterification: benzoic acid + methanol = methyl benzoate

(iii) reduction: benzoic acid + [H] = phenylmethanol (LiAlH4)

(iv) substitution: benzoic acid + PCl5 = benzoic chloride

Carbonyl Compounds Chemical Reactions

2009-10-11T04:01:00.002-02:00

Aldehydes

(i) reduction : propanal + [H] = propanol (LiAlH4)

(ii) addition: propanal + HCN = 2-hydroxypropanenitrile

(iii) addition: propanal + 2,4-dinitrilephenylhydrazine = propanal-2,4-dinitrophenylhydrazone

(iv) oxidation: propanal + [O] = propanoic acid ( K2Cr2O7 + H2SO4)

(v) oxidation: ~Fehling's solution:

CH3CH2CHO + 2 Cu(II)ion + 5 OH- = CH3CH2COO- + Cu2O + 3 H2O

~Tollen's Reagent:

CH3CH2CHO + 2 Ag(NH3)2 *+ + OH- = CH3CH2COO- + 2Ag +2 NH3 + 2H2O

Ketones

(i) reduction: propanone + [H] = propanol (LiAlH4)

(ii) addition: propanone + HCN = 2-hydroxy-2-methylpropanitrile

(iii) addition: propanone + 2,4-dinitrilephenylhydrazine =

propanone-2,4-dinitrophenylhydrazone

(iv) Iodoform test: propanone + 3 I2 + 4 NaOH = CH3CH2COONa + CHI3 + 3 NaI + 3 H2O

Hydroxy Compounds

2009-10-06T11:44:00.004-02:00

Phenol

addition: benzene + propene = cumene ( T=250, 30atm,H3PO4)
oxidation: cumene + O2 = cumene hydroperoxide ( T=120)
hydrolysis: cumene hydroperoxide + dilute H2SO4 = phenol (heat)

neutralisation: phenol + NaOH(aq) = sodium phenoxide + water
substitution: phenol + Na = sodium phenoxide + hydrogen gas
ethanoylation: phenol + CH3COCl = phenyl ethanoate
benzoylation: phenol + C6H5COCl = phenyl benzoate
bromination: phenol + Br2(aq) = 2,4,6-tribromophenol
nitration: phenol + Conc.HNO3 = 2,4,6-trinitrophenol
phenol + conc.HNO3 = 2/4-nitrophenol (T= 20)
hydrogeantion: phenol + H2 = cyclohexanol (T=180,Ni)

Alcohol

oxidation: alcohol + K2Cr2O7 +H2SO4 = carboxylic acid ( heat)
esterification: alcohol + CH3COCl = ester
alcohol + carboxylic acid + conc.H2SO4 = ester
substitution: alcohol + sodium = sodium ethoxide
iodoform test: alcohol + 4I2 + 6NaOH = salt + CHI3 + 5 NaI + 5H2O ( T=70)
addition: alcohol + conc.H2SO4 = ethyl hydrogensulphate
substitution: alcohol + KBr(s) + conc.H2SO4 = bromoathane (heat)
substution: alcohol + HCl + ZnCl2 = chloroethane
alcohol + PCl5 = chloroethane
oxidation:alcohol + K2Cr2O7 + H2SO4 = aldehyde (distillation)

Chemistry Organic Chemical Reactions

2009-10-06T08:01:00.004-02:00

Hydrocarbons

(a) Alkanes
combustion : alkane + O2 = CO2 + H2O
addition: alkane + Cl2 = 1,2-dichloroalkane

(b) Alkenes
combustion: alkene + O2 = CO2 + H2O
hydrogenation: alkene + H2 = alkane (Ni, T=180)
addition: alkene + Br2 in CCl4 = 1,2-dibromoalkane
addition: alkene + HX = haloalkane ( HI, t=400)
hydration: alkene + H2O = alcohol ( H3PO4, T=330, 60 atm)
polymerisation: add Zieglar catalyst,room temperature
oxidation: alkene + n[O] = diol (cold dilute KMnO4/H+ )
alkene + n[O] = ketones + aldehydes --> carboxylic acid ( hot conc.KMnO4/H+)
addition: alkene + bromine(aq) = alcohol

Arenes

(a) Benzene
nitration: benzene + conc.HNO3 = nitrobenzene ( conc.H2SO4, T > 55)
benzene + conc.HNO3 = dinitrobenzene/ trinitrobenzene ( T= above 55)
combustion: benzene + O2 = CO2 + H2O
hydrogenation: benzene + H2 = cyclohexane ( Ni, T=180)
addition: benzene + Cl2 in UV = hexachlorocyclohexane
chlorination: benzene + Cl2 = chlorobenzene ( AlCl3)
sulphonation: benzene + cocnc.H2SO4 = benxenesulphonic acid
Friedel-Craft Reaction
(i) acylation : benzene + CH3COCl = ethylethanone (AlCl3)
(ii) alkylation: benxene + CH3Cl = methylbenzene (AlCl3)

(b) Methylbenzene
combustion: methylbenzene + O2 = CO2 + H2O
alkylation: methylbenzene + CH3Cl = 1,2-dimethybenzene/1,2-dimethylbenzene (AlCl3)
substitution: methylbenzene + Cl2 in UV = (chloromethyl)benzene
oxidation: methylbenzene + [O] = benzoic acid (KMnO4,reflux)
chlorination: methylbenzene + Cl2 = 2-chloromethylbenzene/4-chloromethylbenzene (AlCl3)
nitration: methylbenzene + conc.HNO3 = 2/4-nitromethylbenzene (conc.H2SO4, T= 30)

Haloalkanes

(a) Bromoalkane ( R-Br)
substitution: R-Br + conc. NH3 = R-amine (heat)
hydrolysis: R-Br + NaOH(aq) = alcohol (reflux)
elimination: R-Br + NaOH in ethanol = alkene LiAlH4
substitution: R-Br + ethanolic KCN =
R-nitrile (reflux)-----------> R-CH2NH2
l dry ether
l
l + dilute HCl
l
V
carboxylic acid

addition: R-Br + Li in ether = R-lithium
addition: R-Br + Mg = Grignard Reagent

(b) Grignard Reagent (R-Mg-Br)
+ methanal + 2HCl = primary alcohol
+ aldehyde + 2HCL = secondary alcohol
+ ketone + 2HCL = tertiary alcohol
+ CO2 + 2HCL = carboxylic acid
+ H20 =ethane

Rover Crew Farewell 2009

2009-10-02T11:07:00.010-02:00

Goodbye my rover crew.....wish you guys all the best in future..
You do leave me some memories,in will be a part of my life. I'll remember you..

Wonderland of Penang

2009-10-02T11:07:00.006-02:00

Shopaholic III

2009-09-23T03:00:00.004-02:00

Heaven

2009-09-23T02:28:00.011-02:00

Ancient Building of the Chinese

2009-09-23T01:59:00.013-02:00

Quiz

2009-09-06T05:44:00.000-02:00

Amigo Del Alma

Both of you are Amigo Del Alma which means soulmates
in spainish! The chances of both of you walking down the isle
and living hapily ever after like a fairy tale is very high. It
is obvious that you and your special someone live your lives for
each other and know each other very well. If ever there were two
persons that are made for each other, it has got to be the both
of you!

Go to Love Quiz Test to do more Quizzes!

Quiz

2009-09-06T05:37:00.001-02:00

http://www.lovequiztest.com/index.php?option=com_quiz&task=user_tst_shw&Itemid=42&tid=6

Perfect Catch

Your boyfriend/girlfriend should be counting their
lucky stars as they have found a Perfect Catch in you. You're
every person's dream boyfriend/girlfriend, understanding, loving,
sensitive and self sacrificing. Anyone in a relationship with
you should grab hold hard to you as you're just too perfect! However,
do be careful to give your love to someone who deserves it or
he or she will break your heart as you're simply too nice.

Go to Love Quiz Test to do more Quizzes!

Dating with Koko..^^

2009-08-30T12:09:00.011-02:00

sigh.....cant really remember what happened d...
i briefly describe here la....
hmm..it should be school day...yean came and picked me up after having lunch with her parents..
went to Han Chiang meeting and then rushed back home to bathe...
We were thinking of getting there in time...however,we took almost half an hour to search for koko's house...I forgot it is on another side...=.= hehe
Soon,we arrived at Queesbay in 10 mins...*yean's skill is quite ok d now..* haha
we didnt watch movie la..just straight walked into a shop...eat porridge!!!
hmm...the porridge were nice!!!! and EXPENSIVE!!!
thx koko...made you spent so much for that....T.T muackss!!
around 7pm,yean drove koko home and we continued our next programme!!!! hahaha....^^

I am reaLLY ANGRY now!!!!!!!!

2009-08-06T04:25:00.003-02:00

what the hell with you as a teacher!!!!!??
we go to school to study not to sell ALL the coupons!!!!!! what the heck you want????
and as a teacher....you should not threat us with out school leaving cert!! and not with our testimonials!!!! FUC* YOU!!!!!

I know..as a girl..i should be more polite..and take care of my image..but i really cant endure her anymore!!!! You!! HCL!! thats enough!!!!
At first,i really respect you as a good teacher....but you made me feel guilty to respect you as time goes on......i was so depressed and angry when i see you everyday..especially in the early morning when i arrived at school...why you always like to appear in front of me in the early morning...?
you destroyed my days!!!!!!!!
I really......really......really angry now!!!!!!!!!!!! argh!!! i really dont know how to describe my feeling now...T.T you made me feel meaningless everyday go to sch..
pls...let me go k???? And there are a lots of joke were not fun actually you know...? but you always thought that is absurd right....pls..its not!!!!!!
Moreover,you made us bankrupt you know...? Threatened us with our testimonials..so i paid you to buy alll the coupons...now i have no money to eat everyday until next week...!!! what are you gonna do for me if i get gastric...?

Do you think everyone's parents can earn a million a day..? if you are not selfish then you help all of us to buy all the coupons la!!!!! If you are so good...then you donate and sponsor more to sch la!!!!!! Go to hell you lil ass!!!!!

Ok..come back to normal..cool down...
I'll pray to God everynight before sleep...
so that the God can bless you..grant you a better temper and more patience...
May God bless you and me......

+ MY First Time..

2009-08-05T12:18:00.002-02:00

If I tag you, it means I want to know yours too..
Copy and paste this note into your notes, delete my answers, and fill yours in.. (:

Tagged by Royblin,Victor... ...

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
I cant really remember

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
yea..i think so..but rarely

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
red wine

4. What was your FIRST job?
sales promoter

5. What was your FIRST car?
i DONT HAVE..i wish it could be Honda

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
Ding..12.56am

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
My bro

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
Choi Poh Lin( my class teacher during primary sch)

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
never been in plane..

10. Who was your FIRST best friend?
Sai Ye(a smart girl)

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
im not computer or PDA

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
Mom

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
My 4th uncle

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Switched off the bloody alarm

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
never been i think..i like musical..

16. FIRST tattoo?
Nop..thinking to have one near to feet

17. FIRST piercing?
when i was 3 years old..

18. FIRST foreign country you've gone to?
S'pore...a nice place to earn money..^^

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
Titanic i think

20. When was your FIRST detention?
Nono..

22. Who was your FIRST roommate?
with a lots of friends in NS

23. If you had one wish, what would it be?
to have additional 10 wishes..

24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
Cha cha,Waltz,Rumba,piano,violin,diving,dolphin trainer,skiing,sailing...

25. Did you marry the FIRST person to ask for you/ you asked to marry?
nop..its not the time to get married yet..

26. What was the first sport you were involved in?
badminton

27. What were the first lessons you ever took?
Harmonica

28. What is the first thing you do when you get home?
play with HAMMIES

29. Who do you think will be the next person to post this?
DONT KNOW LA...

* Days with Ding

2009-08-04T11:04:00.002-02:00

Finally..i can see Ding after yearsssssssss waiting........T.T
I woke up in the early morning and waited for Ding to come...so excited!! ^^
Ding came with Jessi(yeeche) to pick me up for breakfast...then we went to Popo's house..
Popo made 'guai leng gou' for us..i ate two..0.0 hehe....
Then yeeche wanted to go Cititel for buffet lunchy,but then Ding wanted to go for dimsum..
So finally we went to another place for lunch...Omg~~~popo ordered three drumsticks for us..so big one...! 0.0 hahaha....

After lunch we went back to popo place 1st..yeeche fell asleep very fast!!! @.@ like a lil piglet..haha..she is damn good la!! i still cant beat her up..around 2pm then we called her up then sent us to Queensbay for movie!!! ^^ Yay!! only watch movie when Darl comes back...
Wahaha!! we ate cheese cake before movie..so nice la!!!
walked around with Ding after movie..
I saw Khang Jien Yii..she is PREGNANT!!!! OMG....why is life so unbelievable...? i was really shocked......why why why!!! i reaLLY CANT UNDERSTAND LA..
Went for dinner with Popo,yeeche and Ding around our house area...

Today I didnt go to sch~~ ^^ hehe..we went to eat dim sum together..very full..^^
Then yeeche dropped me and Ding at my house..and they went to buy stuffs..
Around 5pm Ding went home with yeeche d lor...T.T Cause yeeche has convo on 8th..has to rush back for rehearsal ...

Darl..i miss you a lots ler..how about you..?
I hope that we really can solve all the problems together..and never give up...
Life is always like that..full of obstacles...then only considered as meaningful~~~

Chemistry Quiz

2009-07-30T09:46:00.002-02:00

wah...suddenly threw us a quiz...
then gave us around 8 minutes to memorise 15 functional groups,around 25 chemical test and 30 observations....T.T
Got 5 wrong.also have to be punished and copy 20 times for one mistake~~~
Sigh.....=.=
Damn it!1 Luckily i finished d...^^ hahahaha...

What the Uncivilized bitch...??

2009-07-30T09:18:00.002-02:00

Look at the words on the mirror!!!! 0.0

I couldn't really find out who the hell had been written this on the mirror!!
Those words have polluted my eyes la!!
What a poor school culture and what is in their mind of those rascal students in this school?
If you want to have that GAME then just go somewhere and bring one to hotel la...
Red Rock Hotel is most cheap d according to my friend...and you may rent a motel if you are really cant afford..
No!!! I should say: just bring a prostitute home to settle it if you cant pay for hotel...its FREE OF CHARGE!! Either,just dont think about it you wont have to do that and pay so much!!!

And,Mr.Yee....where were you...? Why no action is taken? Just let this culture continues until the next century....? What can you guys do if a girl is raped???
Please la...do something!! Punish all of them...dont care whether they are really do it or not..then no one will do that anymore...!!!

You scare to be complaint if you punish all of them....But,how about if someone is being raped?
What can you explain to the parents...? The reputation is important..? Then how about our safety?? Did you ever thought it over...???

Tagged by mooi

2009-07-27T10:38:00.002-02:00

遊戲規則：

1、被點名的人在我空間將這篇文章轉載到自己空間中，然後在編輯，刪去我的答案，要在自己的Q空間裡寫下自己的答案，然後傳給其他人，列出個需要回答問題的人的名字，通知對方被點名了，被點名者不得拒絕回答問題，完成遊戲的人將會永遠得到大家的祝福。

2 、這個人要在自己的Q空間裡註明是從哪裡接到問題的，並且再想一個題目傳給其他個人，讓幸福的遊戲繼續下去。

3 、不能回傳，否則犯規！

4 、被點到名字的人將得到大家的祝福，並且所有的美麗願望都會在不久後實現。
5、請點10個老朋友,不准不點，點完後請通知那10個老朋友他們被點！

★.PART ONE
Q01、你的大名？
★Yee Seow Wei

Q02、你認為什麼才算是真正幸福？
★respect,honest,love,caring,happy!!

Q03、你們覺得友情重要還是愛情重要，為什麼？
★两个都重要，不能比较。

Q04、你相信天長地久嗎？
★我相信。as long as I believe,all the wishes will come true!!

Q06、你現在過得快樂麼？
★ so far so good..nothing makes me VERY happy lor..considered happy also..

Q07、如果有秘密，你真的會做到坦白的告訴對方嗎？
★会，可是不懂怎样说。

Q08、喜歡小Baby嗎？
★of course!! the family willnot be perfect without baby.

Q09、覺得友情是永遠的麼？
★ yea!! it will last!!

Q10、希望自己多大結婚？
★嗯。。。around 28..

Q11、你會為他做自己從來不會做的事情？
★会!

Q12、你覺得女生捲髮好還是直發好？
★natural is the best,we should appreciate what we have

Q13、最想去哪裡旅遊？
★ somewhere beautiful ans close to the nature

Q14、一輩子都不會忘記的事？
★ too many
* I love Ding

Q15、如果愛一個人，是不是要拼命挽回他？
★Nop..i'll respect his decision...
but i'll not give up so easily,I believe we will still be together years later if that is our true love

Q16、看到天空你想起的第一個人是誰？
★不同时候想起不同的人

Q17、你會愛他一輩子麼？
★ maybe i wont last time..but now,I do..

Q18、喜歡你的人和你喜歡的人，你會選哪個？
★我喜欢的人

Q19、你會以何種方式表現你對他（她）的愛？
★ give what he needs...*respect,honesty,love..

Q20、如果看到自己最愛的人熟睡在你面前你會做什麼？抱著他？
★look at his sleeping face,kiss his forehead and remember this moment in my heart..

Q21、如果你想痛扁一個人，你希望那個人是？
★Ding..

Q22、你會後悔過自己的決定嗎？
★I wont..most probably

Q23、現在最迷什麼？
★ sports

Q24、你是好孩子嗎？
★yea..but not 100%..

Q25、覺得愛情和麵包哪個重要？
★bread,but without love ill die faster..

Q26、如果你失戀了你會怎麼樣？
★ being more aggressive than ever!!!!!

Q27、如果你的BF（GF）經常不回家的話，你會怎樣？
★ convince him...

★.PART TWO
01、是誰傳給你這份問卷的？
★mooi

02、你們認識多久呢？
★7 years

03、他對你來說重要嗎？
★当然重要，cant imagine if she disappear

04、你與他的關係是？
★close friend..can sleep together..talk anything together!!!

05、請問他的興趣是？
★singing,photo taking,Royblin!! ^^

06、你覺得TA的個性如何？
★sometimes too noisy d...^^ but very good!! you yi qi!!!

07、TA在你心目中是幾分？
★86%

08、睡覺前第一件事？開風扇？喝水？
★switch off light la!!

09、你的偶像？
★ mom

10、你喜歡的季節？
★ wintery!!

11、你打工麼？
★没有。

12、打工次數？
★4

13、你想去的國家？
★ too many..as long as it is on the atlas

14、你討厭什麼樣的個性？
★ cheating

15、你會抽煙麼？
★没有。i hate smoking!!!

16、你會喝酒麼？
★ yea..i like drinking at a quiet place

17、你常哭麼？
★ recently i do

18、你常笑麼？
★ everyday la!!

19、你喜歡去哪玩？
★ somewhere i have never been

20、去玩時喜歡自己一個人去麼？
★ not bad..but i prefer go with my buddies and my beloved!

21、是假日時你都睡到幾點？
★ need to wake up earlier than usual in holidays..T.T

22、今天的天氣是？
★ quite ok..but changed very frequently

53、你們知道最遠的距離是什麽嗎？
★ when I cant feel him being around me..

★.PART THREE
54、我的BGM好听么？
★什么来的？

55、你的皮包里有什么说说吧。
★cards,photos,angpows,IC,money of course,student's ID..a lil spell from him,and a photos with him

56、你生命中最重要的人是？
★ mama

57、啥东西是你喜欢吃的呀？
★哈哈哈。。。讲不完~

58、现在有喜欢的人吗？
★nop..i love him,not like him..

59、你還喜歡他(她)嗎?
★当然喜欢。

60、你觉得我坏吗？
★不会。

61、你出轨过吗？
★almost(mentally but not physically),but luckily I knew that he is the most important for me

61、你比阿笨老师傻吗？
★谁来的？sia lang la??

Q:再给你一次机会，你会选择当我的朋友吗？
★肯定会

Q:觉得我怎样？
sometimes really very noisy lor...but you are very helpful!!
but if you dont make noise we will feel weird woh...0.0 hahaha...

Far Apart

2009-07-24T13:02:00.002-02:00

Distance was not a problem for us last time...
I felt you were being around me all the time even we were far apart from each other..
But now,i cant feel you...
I dont know how it is when you come back....
I hope,and i wish it will be better....I cant wait for you to come back!!
I cant wait for next moth...its too long!! too long d!!!!
Miss you a lot!! but i hope i dont miss you so much...T.T

Korean Fashion II

2009-07-20T12:00:00.010-02:00

Shopaholic II

2009-07-20T11:11:00.008-02:00

haha....here are some of the pictures when we went for shopping..
tried many clothes...but had no money to buy..
sigh~~~~~

Suddenly...

2009-07-17T13:57:00.002-02:00

i dont know why...suddenly feel down again...
i really dont know why..and what is wrong with me...
feeling a lil sad...
i was like dont know what to do...had different feelings when i chatted with you while looking at you...
felt like could not breathe...and my heart is pain..T.T
i really dont know why..
i saw you laugh,but i didnt know what you are laughing...
i cant catch what is in your mind anymore...T.T
im afraid..i afraid that i cant do as well as last time....
why??whats the problem!!
i really dont know...i am the one who became stupid or you are the one start feeling bored?
can you tell me? T.T
Am i still important to you? Am i still occupying all the four chambers in your heart?
I already dont know where to go..if i cant live there..

Rover's Training Camp 09'

2009-07-17T10:43:00.014-02:00

Omg..its such a bloody rainy day...
I woke up in the early morning,it was rained like dogs and cats..I sms-ed Cayton to pick me up when he pass by...
1st,we ran on our station games since the headmaster was not allow us to use the field to build up those gadgets yet...
It was still raining..continuously~~

After the games,the rain was still running down to the earth...since we could not build up the gadgets yet,I could only let those participants have their lunch cooking at the ruined and ancient-tennis court by using only firewood,dried leaves,and few matches..XD
Next,they started to build their gadgets..in the rain~~so keliany...hahahaha...^^
The rain did not stop at all..instead,it was getting heavier...sigh~~

They continued their works in the rain until around 6pm..then I allowed them to bathe and change their clothes since we had a mini campfire at night..but everywhere was wet..we could not even find a tiny piece of dry space..T.T I thought we were going to have 'campwater' d..hahah^^ who knows they got petrol to burn..yay!!

Campfire ended around 11pm then we had a night talk with the participants..I found it was quite interesting...I like night talk.haha^^ can scare them!!! woohoo!!
Then i went for supper with Alecia at Coffee Island~~~~I like that place..^^
Came back around 3am,it was still raining..whole day and night..cold like getting frozen in north pole...T.T Slept for around 2 hours then woke up...the rain stopped...felt happy..^^
then started to give them a morning call..hahahaha!!! they started their backwoodsman around 11am...gave them their prizes around 5pm then dismissed!!

--*stoRy of Oc3aN~*

No more!

Tear drops when I read this. Best description ever.

For my dear friend.

The Last One.

Just a happy thing.

Happy Birthday Melb-pig!

Moody

Good Mood.

R.I.P Stripey

Just feel like writing something here

RIP Hammy

Happy Birthday Ken.

Damn it!

Calories Burning!!

My Latest Look

A fun and crazy night =P

How Long?

65th Day without You.

64th Day without You.

54th Day without You.

53th Day without You.

52th Day without You.

51th Day without You.

50th Day without You

49th Day without You.

48th Day without You

46th Day without You.

45th Day without You

44th Day without You

43th Day without You.

42th Day without You

38th day without You

37th Day without You

36th Day without You.

35th Day without You

Good Luck!! ♥

34th Day without You

32nd Day without You

31st Day without You

30th Day without You

28th Day without You

21st Day without You

20th Day without You

19th Day without You

18th Day without You

17th Day without You

16th Day without You

15th Day without You

14th Day without You

13th Day without You

12th Day without You

11th Day without You

10th Day without You

9th Day without You

8th Day without you

7th Day without You

6th Day without You

5th Day without You

*__失落沙洲__*

♥ 我真的希望 ♥

4th Day without You

You're bad!

3rd Day Without You

*...舍不得...*

祝我生日快乐

我可以抱你吗?

2nd Day without You

1st Day without You

一年零八个月

I really Dont Know Why....???

Selfish ! its all because you're selfish!!

I love this!! ♥

Uncontented

A tragedy..

夫泼硫酸悲剧揭内情 女死者嗜赌负债

死者兄长：心疼妹妹 谴责嫌犯狠心无情

陈俊宏：以屋抵押 父确曾代母还债

苏醒后激动追问母状况 陈慧琳双目失明

母女情深互为对方

--stoRy of Oc3aN~

失落沙洲

...舍不得...

夫泼硫酸悲剧揭内情女死者嗜赌负债

死者兄长：心疼妹妹谴责嫌犯狠心无情

陈俊宏：以屋抵押父确曾代母还债

苏醒后激动追问母状况陈慧琳双目失明

家人眼中烂男人职场上是好员工

彭文宝：心痛悲剧发生福利部将助慧琳

Shopaholic III

Heaven